WHITBY FREE PRESS, WEDNESDAY, JUNE 10, 1987, PAGE 5 ,They've arrived. Maytbe you didn't notice. Perhaps one day you were nodding your way home on the GO train; you slid off into what you thought was sleep; and then they came. Actually, they're the ones who put the sleeping gas in the ventilation system of the GO train cars. Don't take my word for it; try some day to stay awake on a trip from Pickering to Union Station. You could only do that by carrying your own oxygen supply. And then you would see that everyone around you is unconscious. They just look as though they're sleeping. It's really a hypnotic drug. From THEM: Martians. They're taking over the world. I first noticed them several years ago. One landed over- night, moved in next door and by weekend had erected a magazine style work bench. You know: complete with color keyed outlines of where the tools go on the peg board. I knew then he was a Martian. Mostly you find them in subdivisions. Used to be they would avoid older neighborhoods and old communicites with lived-in housing and rotting fences. Now, they also gut old houses and put in "modern" fixtures. Like the ones in magazines. Most magazines about homes are how in Martian hands. Who do you think plans all those pictures? Do you actually think Earth people live like that, in houses like that? They put up fences that cost $10 a foot; fertilize lawn un- til it is visible from Mars and needs twice-daily trim- mings; and love to pave driveways with red interlocking brick because it matches the color of their home planet. They also have a love affair with brass: mail boxes, door knobs, light fixtures, children, dogs. And neat yards! Lawns should be long enough to hide the tin cansw Cutting grass may be okay in June, for first cutting, and perhaps a second cutting may yield a few bales in August. We Earthlings have a sense about such things. WITH OUR FEETUP by Bill Swan They're here But you can tell a Martian by the way it/she/he manicures a lawn. Frequently. With a power lawn mower. Usually gas. Sometimes electric. Almost noisy enough to drqwn out their rock music. And always on a Sunday mor- ning to ward off the power of the Earth-people's worship. (You didn't know about their music? Think about it: why would hundreds of years of tradition boring Earth music change in the early fifties? The U.S. government has the original invading rock group preserved in Aspar- tane on an air force base in Ohio.) The noise of the lawn mower may be the only tip off we have about how much they fear native Earth gods. Think about it: they push around 180-horse power lawn mowers. Cars are smaller. Once upon a time, before Martians arrived; Earth people cut their lawns once in a while, with handy push- powered mowers. These used no gas; were almost silent; and lasted forty years. Many people give credit for the high tech revolution to the Americans, then blame the Japanese for using it. No way. The high tech revolution comes from Mars. You won't read about that anywhere else, soI'll tell you why. See, the Martians are running out of Nitrogen. That's the stuff they breathe, mostly. Earth air is made up of 80 per cent nitrogen. So when they start gasping, where do they turn their greedy little light sensors? But they are chicken little creatures. No way they want to stand up to us in a man-to-Martian, nuke-to-nuke fight. So they do a sly invasion, without telling anyone, put gas in our GO trains to put everybody to sleep, and then move into new subdivisions. They're the ones behind women's lib. Who stands to benefit if women are given fighting roles in the armed forces? Come a battle and the Martians will hypnotize 'em with homemakers magazine spreads and it'll be all over. But they're running out of time. That's the nitrogen problem. So the next stage will be a speeded up space program. Watch for it. NASA must go to Mars. The Russians will have to go to Mars. Soon we will. have to colonize Mars. When it comes your turn, don't go. See, that's the Martian plot. Get us to run off to Mars while they take over completely down here. Then they'll fence every lot (six feet high, topped with lattice, made of pressure-treated wood - which, incidentally, is grown on Mars.) And the streets will be paved with red, in- terlocking brick. On which they will drive their four-cylinder high tecIb brass cars. Report recognizes subdivision fires could happen Regional council has received a report from Durham's. works commissioner outlining inspection procedures used in new sub- divisions to ensure watermains, hydrants and service connections are properly constructed and operable in case of a major fire similar to one that destroyed more than 100 houses under construction in Markham recently. On May 12, a fire which started in a pile of straw was fed by high win- ds resulting in the destruction of 111 partially built homes in .the Markham subdivision. Firefighters were hampered in their efforts to control or extinguish the flames because four of the six major water valves on the site had been turned off resulting in insufficient water pressure. Twelvetrees stated that although he was not trying to be an alarmist, he concluded such a thing could happen again and he wanted to en- sure that the tragedy was not repeated in any of the municipalities within Durham. In his report, Twelvetrees in- dicated there are two sets of cir- cumstances which could result in water not being available for firefighters in new subdivisions; premature issuance of building permits by the municipalities and unauthorized use (or misuse) of valves and hydrants by builders. He concluded the Region would under no circumstances issue con- nection permits to allow builders to connect any new homes to water and sewage systems until water- mains and sanitary sewers had been installed satisfactorily and the necessary certificates issued by his department. he said municipalities do not ordinarily issue building permits until these certificates had been issued. "If building permits are issued Recycling depot receives approval Whitby council has decided not to ask the Region of Durham for funds to upgrade Garrard and Conlins Rd. while approving the design of a new recycling depot by a vote of 4-2 Monday night. The building is to be established on Conlin Rd., north of Taunton. The public works department had recommended asking the Region to upgrade Garrard and Conlins Rds. because of the number of trucks expected to travel the two roads. But upon further study by the department, coundil was informed they have no right to ask for the funds while approving a site plan. However, that information did not satisfy at least two councillors. "I have seen site plans where the developer has paid for such things as sidewalk, etc.," commented councillor Joe Bugelli, voting against the recommendation. After the meeting, councillor Ross Batten said council can ask for contribution to sidewalks, but cannot ask for contributions to roads "in general development." Bugelli then asked if council had any other option available to get money from the Region to upgrade the roads. The response from administrator Bill Wallace-was "no." "The Region should make a con- tribution to roads fronting on Region property," said councillor Marcel Brunelle who also opposed the recommendation. Councillors Gerry Emm, Batten, Drumm and Tom Edwards approved the recommendation. Mayor Bob At- tersley was absent. "The trucks on those roads is OF annual general meeting of the Ajax-Pickering & Whitby Association for the mentally retarded III MONDAY, JUNE 22, 1987 at 8:00 P.M. II St. Bernadtte's Church Hall Bayly & Harwood Avenue Ajax, Ontario A.J. PORTER President of the Board going to cost this community hun- dreds of thousands of dollars to upgrade them. The Region should pay their share. It is fair to ask fQr that," said Brunelle. Drumm disagreed. He said the depot would not in- crease the number of trucks too drastically and he added the Town can always approach the Region for assistance two or three years down the road. The building is part of a recent regional council decision to adopt Region-wide recycling. It is expected to be open by Sep- tember. much earlier, houses can be under construction before water is available for fire fighting," said Twelvetrees, adding a subdivision is most vulnerable to fire when the houses have been framed but not brooked, causing a fire to spread rapidly and engulf many homes quickly. "The situation will be very much worse if water is not available because the water system has not been constructed satisfactorily and therefore has not been opened to the existing water system," he said. He alluded that although builders are instructed not to operate valves or hydrants, or to cover up any damamge to them, many ignore those instructions. "With sub-contractors there are so many trades on the site that damage can occur at any time," said Twelvetrees, "It is impossible for Region staff to check* every valve and every hydrant every day to ensure it has not been damaged." He said typical examples of damage were breaking a service connection, hitting a valve box while excavating, covering up a valve box thereby making the valve inoperable and hitting the fire hydrant. He said some builders at- tempt to conceal damage they have done by closing valves to "stop a leak." He added many trades use hydrants to obtain water which causes major problems in winter when hydrants freeze if not filled with alcohol after each use. "Unfortunately there is no fool- proof method of ensuring that the water system installed to regional standards will remain in good con- dition throughout the building phase ina subdivision," he stated. "Continued vigilance will reduce damage, or result in it being repaired quickly, but there is always a chance that undetected damage will make firefighting more difficult than it need be." More stop signs A stop sign at Elizabeth St. and Clarence Dr. and multi-way stop signs at Annes St. and Dunlop St. W. have been approved by council. The Elizabeth St. sign will slow down cars entering Clarence Dr. A traffic count at Dunlop and An- nes showed that an average of 582 cars per hour enter the intersec- tion. Town policy states that an average of at least 500 cars per hour must enter an intersection to warrant stop signs. Installation of signs at both inter- sections will cost $400.