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WTBY FREE PRESS,.WEDNESDAY, MARCH 30,-1988, PAGE 13 Church a n d society-bea ollective guih - Rev. BY DEBBIE LUCHUK The cburch and socîety in general baàs k 'collective guit' to, assume in,. fuffr niily Violence, according to ReëVerend Janet Handy, of tbe Fleminigton Park Mission in Toron- "lChurch and society has left the problem go unspoken about; and the church has taugbt that divorce is a sin," Hanidy said to, a group assernbledCat- Ail Saints Anglfcan ChurchlastWednesdaynight. .The overriding encouragement for, abused and, abusing to stay together' in a family-context has been ade'Y the churcb -and a "Christian" society tbat,, beliévest the farnily sbould stay no matter what. Therefore "'society -ignores the 'vidence of family violence, even, when it's "close to home" and avoids discussion of this seemingly taboo subject, said Handy. Family violence, is "not only for those on tbe other side of the tracks. Tbe problem. we'reý speaking of is farnilys in Whitby. We're talkihg about aproblem that is widespread. We're talking about ourselves, as victims* or perpetrators or as per- sons witb violent tendencies. " Handy gave the example of a recent phone cail sbe had recieved at thé Missfon, wbicb works to helP the abused and abusing physicaily, ernotionaily, spirituaily. and finan- cially. Just recently, she said, a Roman Catbolic,- Italian Canadian woman cailed to find some solace after ber motber died of cancer. The cburcb bad taugbt ber that divorce was a sin, and ber mother bad rernained wîtb an abusing father and son because she-bèlieved sbe would be damned if she divorced and left that situation. Botb father and son even beat the mother upon return from hospital for cancer treatmnents. Finally the daugbter left, but ber father and brotber tbreatened to kil ber if she ever returned or if teyfound her., She went away to university in Western Ontario, changed ber name and lives 'in fear of ber life. She cound not be witb ber mother wben she died a few weeks ago. .According to Handy, this poor wornan had a "hatred for ail of life," 'andcould no longer believein anything. 1"Where is the bealing, tbe justice and forgiveness to corne from?"1 Handy ciueried. In a society wbere we ignore tbe reality, the stark pain of family violence, family violence can only be ended througb education and justice, sbesaid. There are five catagories of abuse to be aware of, Handy advised the group:, pbysical, violence enacted on sorneone else, from pusbing to' murder; sexual, ie. marital rape, incest; psychological,. constant degreadation, ridicule,. isolation of another person; neglect, of children or elderly; display of force and violence, a punisbment enacted on another p'erson by destroying something they love. Violence is cyclical, i.less stop- ped by counselling and spiritual aid, to the abusêr and abused as children learn from parental example. It bas to be halted by an outsider often a neighbour, priest1 teacher, or police to get the family to proper coun- sellingandbelp. "Everyone is implicated, and tbat's why it's so painfuJ." ,Handy said society bas to take the blame for ailowing violence to continue.by aàvoiding it; "it's out there, it's, someone else"l, society generaily excuses itself, said Handy. "A- distorted Christian teaching, making men the head, of the housebold is often used as a rational fùr men to 'abuse their wives in Christian famiiles. The Churcèh, sgid Handy, shoùd no longer teacb that familles must stay together no mat- ter what and sbould accept divorce more readily wben it cornes asi a resuit of irresolvable family'violen- ce.1J "The Christian familyis one in whicb ail are bonored, supported and nurtured," said Handy, and wben that. breaks. down, it is no longer correct to expeet a family to stay together. "~Violence cannot be condoned as Christian", Hiandy in- toned. Handy believes "'the cburcb must be a. place of sanctuary for ail vic- tims, give help to rebuildlives, of- fermng groups and belp for abusers. It sbould be more open and accep- ting of single and divorced persons (who are often victirns of family SEE PAGE 14 -I A GAME FOR SING LES Every Thursday! Corne down early and receive your haif of a match-up card and find your. match. t's fun and what a great way ta meet people., Stay tili midnight for the Grand Match-up. THE BIGGEST THE BEST Free Limo draw Drink Specials ~o Spot Dances Star Limosine L......22ver $2.00 436-8720 27Dundas St. W. Whitby 430-0768 Brîng in this flyer and pay no co ver charge. FINE'HANDCRAFTED FURNITUIRE AND. UNIQUE GIFTS We specialize in: Custom Woodworking. Reproduction Antique Restoration e Design LL~ ~ 114 Dundas Street, East, Whltby (entrance on . . 683........-1800 . . 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