WHITBYFREE PRESS, WEDNFE6DA4Y, NOVEMBER'3P, 1988, PAGE 5 We should not drag this story out to great length, it being near Christmas season and all. So we'll be brief: It is about the wood burning stove. The one that consumes great quantities of firewood, newspapers, matches and chimneys. Especially chimneys. We won't bore you with the details of last winter's chimney fires, nor the woeful tale (now more than a year old) of the $525.59 (installed) stainless steel chimney liner. To replace the cracked clay liner, of course. No, we'll leap right ahead, since the editor insists on space limitations, and get right to the point. Fire. See, wood burning stoves are either for heat or beauty. Ha. Had no one ever thought of philosophy? Now I don't mean the type of philosophizing one meanders to when star ing polecat-like into dancing flames through a glass window opaqued with creosote. Nor the type that passes for thinking among those who spend too much time with their heads caught in chimney flues. No. This is practical, wise philosophy, philosophy which carries a sharp edge, philosophy which can be put to use. Let us give concrete examples. Did you know, dear reader, of the imminent danger that fire poses to your home? Do you toss and turn at nights, thinking about what that demon fire can do not only to you and your loved ones, but to your lovely Yuppy castle as well? Tis to worry no more. An example: It is the first frosty Friday of the fall. Pumpkins shiver amid the mums; bloom angrily; and dad stands at the wood pile in his bathrobe and slippers, filling up an armful. "I'll just build a little fire here to take the chill off," WITH OUR FEET UP by Bil Swan Matchless he says upon entering the kitchen, wood piled high on his arm te prop his chin. "It'll just take a minute." If this were a traditional family of, say, a century ago, she would have continued te stir the porridge and would have smiled supportively. Instead, she plunks a box of raison bran on the table assertively. "Hurry up," she says, "breakfast is ready." So. He crumples paper and arranges kindling in-a precision pattern inside the firebox, adds the comic pages, a little more kindling, and finally a match. Then another match. Then another match. The classified ads burn famously. He adds more paper, three more crumples, more kindling, rearranges the kindling, flicks one match, two, three. The paper burns quite well. The kindling'smoulders like a fourteen-year-old in a no-smoking zone. More paper. More kindling. More paper. Matches. The paper burns pretty good. This time, the kindling even begins a small, cautious flame. Success. The fire is roaring. Pleased, he retires to the kitchen for breakfast. Fifteen minutes later, he returns, to inspect the fire. It is dead. Not smouldering. Not splayed. But dead. Cold. Look up mackerel in the dictionary, there's how cold it was. Swell, you say. So where is the philosophy? Okay, we're getting there. Having played out this scene a number of times this year already, the author has become something of an expert at fire prevention. Thus, based on this experience, you can make your house virtually fireproof if you follow only a few of the guidelines: 1) Build your house out of fresh, green wood. This is best accomplished by ordering it by the cord from newspaper ads which give only a phone number, a first name, and deal in cash only, no receipt. 2) Mark every part of your home that you fear might someday burn. Develop then a rotation, storing each part in the side yard for three to five days, preferrably during November rains. I can personally guarantee that items so stored will not burn for several months. 3) Provide~your spouse with matches, newspaper and kindling. Regardless of the effort expended, it is highly unlikely that a dangerous fire will result. Knowing this can put your mind at rest. 4) Provide proper ventilation. Kill a Saturday .afternoon by knocking holes in brick walls to provide a source of outside air directly to the site where you fear fire will start. Each room should thus be outfitted. Aside from bruised knuckles, slopped mortar and bent stove pipes, you'll get no more danger of fire than you had dropped a garden hose down the chimney. PAW committee lacks quorum to pass budget The Pickering-Ajax-Whitby Animal Control Committee (PAW) was presented with its 1989 budget last Wednesday but committee was without a quorum to pass it. The only councillor in attend- ance at the meeting was chair- man and Whitby councillor Ross Batten. Ajax councillor Joe Dickson was absent as was Pickering councillor Shayne Coburn who lost in the recent municipal election. Approval of the $319,680 budget was postponed until a new committee can meet on Jan. 11. The 1989 budget is a 9.6-per cent increase over the 1988 budget of $291,625. The main reason for the increase is $35,000 for upgrading Volunteer puppeteers wanted Kids on the Block-Durham Region, a troupe of puppets which visits local schools to discuss, in skits, topics such as diabetes and physical abuse, is seeking volunteer puppeteers. For infor- mation call Brenda MacKimmie at 666- 3901, Suzanne Barton at 576-3011 or Bernice Brown at 723-3397. Registration required before Jan. 31, 1989. Library book draw winners Whitby Public Library winners of the book draw held during Ontario Library Week were Charity McVeity, 14 and under category; Gillian Cousin, 7 and under category; Clarence Alkema, adult. to the PAW animal control centre's driveways and parking lot. The centre is located on Thickson Rd. N. Animal adoptions are budgeted to bring in $31,500 for PAW while pound and service fees are expected to generate $10,500. The committee, however, may be faced with an unforseen expense. Whitby veterinarian, Clayton MacKay, who has volunteered his time for 10 vears to assist PAW (and before them the humane society), told committee he will reuire some sort of funding for his services. "This work does add up to some time. I would be happy with a retainer," said . MacKay, who suggested PAW also try and find another veterinarian who could volunteer. • Batten said staff would meet with MacKay, then bring forward a recommendation to the commit- tee. 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