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oN.19y S P,ý )"I e s- 1 h <. ,( t rji, WIIITBY FREE PRflSS. WEDNF~SDA'V. DEdJ~iMflE1~ Ta ~9as PAc~ Light snowflakes fail as Lucas Letterpress pulls bis iniported domestic car into the supermarket - arking lot. The flfflbang suspenqed under the bluish' tinge of parking lot ligbts. Christmas carols descend from on .bigh. Snow covers ground, gMvng a lustre'of mid-day to *cars and otber objects beneatb tbe ligbts. At the parcel pick-up, cars idle double parked. Drivers exchange seasons bleatinge. Inside tbe store, Lucas pulls a list from bis ýshirt pocket. Crisco, it says, antd 2 pts. whipping cream. Okay. The same Christmas carols wh-icb bad carried softly over the slusb of traffic quietly fill. tbe corners of tbe store. Lucas beads down aisle one. In the middle of Silent Nigbt a professional voice breaks in: SWELCOME TO HOLY MACKEREL FLUFFLE BUFFLE LUFFLE SUPERMAIIKET. IN AISLE FOUR WE HAVE A THREE MINUTE SPECIAL ON MACHO MAN FISH NET HOCKEY HOSE. SIXTY-NINE NINETY SIX. AISLE FOUR. Silent Nigbt resunles. In aisle five be finds a special on toilet paper, eigbt roils a dollar eigbt nine. He checks bis list, finds -no match. ARter two passes througb the store, Lucas stops. Aside from tbe bananas in the wide veggie aisie (eight cents a pound) be can find nothing tbat intereàts him, and definitely notbing on bis list. 'Tardon me, son." Lucas looks up at the clerk, a carbuncular fifteen-year-old. Lucas, at four foot ten, looks up at everyone 'Whaddya want?" "Crisco." "Liquid or solid?" "Solid." "Golden or regular?" "Regular." "Christmas or all-season? The Normal Luftwaffe choir breaks off in the WITH OUR FEET UP by Bill Swan Two pints whipping cream middle of tbe second verse of The First Oh, Well: TWICE THIS YEAR, DAMSELS RAS OFFERED SALES SPECIALS. BUT NOTH1NG TO MATCH WHATrS GOING TO HAPPEN NOW. IN MISLE SMX FOR THE NEXT EIGHT MINUTES, YOU CAN BUY DAMSEL'S DIGRESS COUGH SYRUP, TWO BOTTLES FOR SEVEN EIGHTY SEVEN, REGULAR TWELVE TWELVE. THANK YOU. "Pardon?" "Isle four, baldng goodies and stuif." Lucas finds tbe Crisco, then beads for tbe dairy bar. Whipping cream. Let's see. Haif and haîf, homo, two percent, skcim milk, table cream, chocolate dairy, drink, ReadiWhlip, HeavyWbip, FetishWhip, NurWhp ... "P'ardon?" *599NOW!' ft~ hrîsmas1934 LATER!1 atB ro w ers~ . IDon't lug a vacuum. Plug in a Beami *A genuine 3-inlet BeamBult-in Vacuum! *(Model 167 - Famous workhorse of the home, inside& out) ~ * Beamn quality sound-reducing ExhaustI Muffler! *Beam's deluxe Attachment Tool Kit and 30" I * egular hose! Th oidysasni er n alte ite Skate the night away A deluxe Beam Powerhead, with beater bars! .elves' at 8rouwers are working overtimne Our WOIIiit, outdoor pond is perfect for Cen and grooms with brushed decanfi to make aur Garden Centre an exciting skating erqoyment. To keep you cosy,II place ta be. We've gaI ail sor ts of neat weVe got hot chocoate, coffee and Beam's own Current-carrying Hose!I things ta do and see-for kids frram 1Ia 93! holdogs. Best ai aIl, the pond is open* (No electric cords to twist and trail behind) Plus. we're open seven days a week. sve days a week iiitil 900pmr., ... aher pennitting.. . so corne wheneverI ou get the wgeI Beam's advanced Countertop Water FiIter* - - Came feed aur Deer Santa 's an hîs way... (97-99% removal of chiorine, and many other contaminants.) * See our very own 'Rudolph', our brand new The officiai John Brouwer Sanita ClausFousInctrswh eadwtrsp'isoly feeding station and new interlocking brick wifl touch domn' at the Garden CFo seI entres lhtetdwtrsple ny pathway. Bring bed apples o corn,. o Saîwrday, Dome lhfo pin * BETTER NOW THAN LATER. SO HURRY!i " they're always hungry! (We have deer food 3prn and &adcay, Deember 171h hum kids as hacanmost of ailyoursl L:.1 i1i IN 25 COLINTRIES WORLODIE.M * -GOLO MEDAL WINNER, CANADA A WAROS FOR BUSINESS EXCELLENCE. M Beanvs famous guarantee neyer changes. Poînseffias Chr~ istmas Trees* Decorations é Read it yourseffl Copies available free tramn any Beamn retaiter! WeVe gaI hundreds of s Ctrwisrnusrms stmflrg et Feas your eyes on I2 0f hosZs hose Good adecton offBimane decorations and A L - A A A B A mrmatsrso ie iwike Iigt mtm hting ideas In ow I Buit In specîalists smnce 1960" NOWNLY$6.9 t*qW894 Simcoe lurstoSte N * 6 ichpo. eciaLWhMMqLmiiesmatch every deoer éýJ894I Io OSHAWA I AND LANDSCAPING CE NTRE Cm v* u nw59-9412 Ihowoo 650 Lakerîdge Road South, Ajax, Ontario Li S 4S7 wCrevstornw350s.hsoro TELEPH0NE: 686-1545 or 686-1680 WHMYPTROOG OPEN: 9amto9pLMwdayîoFuday- 6 05 Srock Si. N. 430-6360 1582 Chemong Rd. N. 9 amlto 6 m SaIIoy - 9 at5 pmin uy 1...JDivision ai FannnqFaurlly Eni. Imc. 705-745-9645 'Whipping crearn?"f "Chocolate or plain?" 'Plain." "Heavy or ligbt?" "Dunno. H-eavy, I guess." "Plain or fancy?" "Plain." "Regular size or one litre?" "Litre." "Beatrix or Coldbrand?" "Eitber." "Sorry. We're out." TIRED 0F TRITE, COMMERCIAL CHRISTMAS ENTERPRISES? DO YOU WISH FOR A GOOD OLD-FASHIONED CHRISTMAS LIKE OUR GRANDPARENTS KNEW? TFIEN TRY ONE 0F OUR ALL-SEASON POINSETT2IAS, NOW IN OUR1 PRODUCE SECTION, ONLY TWELVE EIGHTY NINE. DECORATE YOUR CHRISTMAS TABLE OR PRESENT A BREATH-TMuING SURPRISE SALAD. THAT'S AISLE NINE, ONLY TWELVE EIGHTY NJINE. Little Drummer Boy cuts back in at verse tbree. "You're out?" "Truck didn' make it. Christmas, snow, you know. Merry Christmas." "What about my Black Forest Cake?" "Hey! Is it my fault you wanda use stuif ya gotta wbip? Wq,,got lotsa the- stuif you spray on. Kinda weird, isn't it, wanta shake that stuif." Deck Us Ail witb Boston, Charlie, Fallawallawalla and aamzoo ... At tbe checkout, Express, eigbt items or less, two motorcycle gangs bave lined up eight deep, each wffitb a cart full of two weeks'ssboplifting. "Excuse me." "Butt out or wear it, Short Stuif." Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Roll, Jingle.. ý-q ýVWV, JL