The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

WFWIRY RWRPP1!~Q !fl-TEilmDDTan> oa4 lmp r U&rji! rTH~E COURT:., Next cas. Lttpe~ss versus Lditerature. Are both Mides ready?" 'We are, My Lord."1 '"hen let!s get with it. Letterpress?" 'Here my Lord." "Stand up when you address the court." "I arn standing, xyLord." 'Then youre fi ne for being tee short. Now what's this case ail about? Who's arguing for the prosecution?" LUCAS: I ara, my honor. My height aside, I wish te show that Goldilocks and the Three Bears défies socal tradition, acceptable behavior, the laws of vhysics and bas racist and.sexist tones as well." THE COURT:- rVeiy weil. And how pleads the defenceT' LITERATURE: "Ths being a civil action there is3 no plea. But the defence asserts this is a frivolous suit and asks for dismissl damages and coSts.' * THE COURI¶.'Wr')eied. Mr. Letterpress, yen May proced."e LUCAS: "Okay. First I want te show the traditional story of GATB paints a picture of three bears, a family real liingtogthe ina cutsy-pie cottage deep in the LIT: "Objection! There is no evidence of this. For al we know father bear was into' tire recycling or pornograp'hy." THE COURT: "Sustained." LUCAS: "Does that mean I can't say that? Olcay, anyway, they live in this neat cottg, likely just down the road from the Seven Dwrf LIT: "Objection!" COURT: "Overruled. Maybe they did." LUCAS: .... the whole family is into Oat Bran, as in Qat- Meal porridge. They make porridge. Note that it is always Mother Bear who malces it. This is both sexîst and inflamatory. Would you want -te grow up knowing your mother makes oatmeal porridge?" LIT: "Objections. Innuendo and character assassination." COURT:- "Sustained. Although. we make note of the seist implications." WITH OUR FEET UP by Bill Swan A faitryltae LUCAS: "Se they go for a walk. Which ini the woods ian okay thing te do. les not likely even the seven dwarfs lock their doors ail day." LIT: "Speculation." COURT: "Sustaned." LUCAS: 'Then along cornes this girl. Knocks on the door and getting ne answers, barges right in. I say this is definitely anti-social. A bMatant exaniple of unlawful entry. She should be arrested as a young offender." LIT: "Ask that remark be withdrawn. There is ne evidence of the jurisdiction i which the story takes place. The act was nt . ..". LUCAS: " . . .but the fable is now being told in Canada. lIn English I might add." LIT: 'We can show evidence of French versions." LUCAS: "Net in Thunder Bay yen, cant. But while we're going on about (loldilocks. We bave unlawful entry. She eats the porridge. That's theft. Breaks junior's chair. Vandalism. Then she passes eut in juniors bed. After she tries Mammae - and Pappals beds. The implications. .." COURT: "Since you are dealing with Literature yen, will have te accept implications. They corne with the Permanent housing conîmittesesRgion fnln JByTrudie Zavadovlcs Durham regional council has referred a request for support funding, from the Access te Per- manent Housing Comniittee, te the budget for consideration. Last year, council agreed te fund 20 per cent of the project ($44,460) and the Province cern- mitted te fund the dcther,80 per cent ($177,840). The committee was set up for two years and ia newý looking for a.second year of t'unding. The provines commit- ment of 80 per cent i year twio is contingent uon the Region fundng he ther 20 per cent. Barbara Black, chinanof the committee, gave council members an update of how the cemmittee has served the public te date. «The committee was formed in 1988 and is made up of 34 individual agencies. It provides assistance e the homelèss and those at risk of being homeless.» Ini nine months t he committee bas helped 913 peýople. They accoemmodated .44 clients from BiSisters including eight 14- a515-year-oldsÎ 28 clients from the YWCA ni;ade up of 154 faniilies with one or two chli- dren, and 74 single people, and 247 clients from the John Howard Society. "These people are the mest fragile inembers of our cern- munity,» said Black. «Many. are victime of violent relationships. » She said with the eacalating housing prices they need assis- tance in finding affordable accommodations. "We are asking for your sup- ~ rt in year two. A total amount frmthe ,,egion) of $46,240 wiii attract $184,950 in jfrovincial dollars. The affordable houaing criais will net be solved ever- niglit. Respond te us who are making positive responses te those in need.» Councillor Deug Dickeraon from Pickering feft immediate funding should be. given te the project. «The faster we can approve it the better, If we put it off for conaideration, it could be seme- thing the feds would axe. It is a benefit, te many areas of our regin. Os0hawa counciller Paàuline Beal felt she couldn't support the motion for budget consideation. "I can't see that it is going te help that manyr people. I1have a hard time askxng taxpayers te pay for it. I can't see that we can support semething that is ques- tiona. "Tlrty-four agencies Durhami- wide are p art of this erganiza- tien,» aaid Oshawa councillor .Brian Nicholson. «They have put in many heurs te help people find affordable heusing. 'You don't back eut in year twe.» Oshawa counciller Linda Dionne peinted eut that there are many others who have been SEA' PAGE 9 ART'S 1 COUNTRY KITCHENS Quahity Custom, Kitchens and Vanities OAJ,ý PINE, CHERRY, MAPLE & WHITE LACQUER Designed and installed to your specifiat ions. SHOW ROM OPEN MLY For FREE estimates cail: ART'S WOODWORK LTD. 7 Progress Dr., Courtice aw a i t WODWrK 8ani -6pxn ______ mptsiodSATT.JRAY: 4èFý-- 1ma,-. tpu m territory."1 LUCAS: "But beyond these obvious violations of decency, -I would like te, point out evidence of violation of the laws of physics." LIT: 'This isyPreposterous."0 THE COURT'.-"ou may proceed, Mr. Prettless." LUCAS: "Letterpress. First, the porridge., Letting it cool, that's fine. But- notice when Goldilocks tests it. One's too hot, one's too cold, one's..." LIT: "Just right. We ail know the story." LUCAS: "Tes. But let's examine this. Suppose that ail the bowls were filled from the sanie pot, at the same time, at the same temperature. When Goldilocks tastes the big bowl, its stiil too hot. Fine. The medium size bowl is too cold. But the small bowl is just right. But canWt we assume that the mediumi size bowl would cool more slowly than the smail bowl? Soi ceunt me, a violation of physics." o LIT: " Objection! The assumnptions are ..." LUCAS: 'Now the chairs. Ones too hard, ones too soft one's just right - but it breaks. Are we te assume that Goldilocks fits Jr. Bears dimensions but she outweighs hlm by enough te break the chair?" COURT: "A good point." LUCAS: 'We'll skip the observations of the single beds for both mamma and pappa, with j unior's bed i the same rom. And Pappa s abililty te, notice that bis chair had been sat on seems far fetche.". LIT: "Youre reaching. " LUCAS: "Last point. Through ail this - Goldilocks,ý the young offender, thief, vandal, still retains top billing. I request the court hereby order changes in the text te comply with the laws of physics and that in the future the book be renamed 'The Three Bears with Goldilocks,' and that the ending be rewritten te show that crime does not pay. Miss G. being led away in handcuffis would do nicely." COURT: "Have you a rebuttal?" LIT: "I had, your honor, but he's used up ail the space. We'Il be jumped te Page 19 as it is." COURT: 'No. ]Pil order- the editing. You've made some good points, Mr. Prattelesa, but ]Pm afraid M'i have to reserve judgement. Next case?" WETM PRM MSS WPýTIMP.RnAV VPlRlqTT,&IMV 99 10M PAr.P. A ë 0