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On -the television screen in the next room a balding eealpractitioner '(whatever that is), sits still while a naturopath (whatever that is) sticks a needie in bis arm. The needie represents thousands of years of oriental physiotherapy. The doctor represents the forces of ffi _bjj i.,sliglitly bemused. The naturopath represents * ý# -l ý Iup ifirral4orialty aida,world gone mad with rea,@on~ 1 r~wntevren .sVya.word abouit extra-billing and its .-;tonsequences. f* "This needie is beingapplied ta, the area," says the ~nafarUipa.qin -ber, """otone,"àffecting theiddney' and xýLgRightvihbdoesn!t sttwhat ,hiipens if the-kIddney*s Mar we V411llhertândkidneys, stimulated-together,» cagé1,e E;Ptofallrso màÎdly, in love with the next Wn heèe thatbe pesh-ptSytnd ~rNt~vefe~ b~ bis' teat nt~ sê' continuùes, "depends op how depS eifsèrt*th neie . And 4i~hèret~lstit Hwlonoewelëave itin.And how' ~.4iikl w r!mv~it--WheiÃ"ier ~olor quiclo Right. -Bankers have 1iow"n that for years. Onameabokhl in my omêéce resta the, world'a laget- ffidge magnat. It zheasures?ý about three inches ,bj six inches, made ôf two'_sheets. of flexible magnetic staff stuck bock té bàck. Those two piecs were given to me by acéhIrorc (whatever that is) for a purpose to be described seven paragraphs from now.' It started (this happened several years ago) as a kink in the back. The ink quickly became excruciating pain,, the ind that won't let you sit. Years before I had gone taa chiropractor's office, where I read ail sorts of pamphlets extolling the efficacy of spinal manipulation on diabetes. That time I ended up in a hospital, umder the care of a real doctor. 1k I short, I knew botter.' WHffY FIRE PRESS, WEDNESDÂY, MAY 9.1990. PAGE 5 WITH OUJR, FEET UP by Bill Swan Reief But the pain got so bad I ovontually limped off toaa chiropractor. Now when describing clinical experience, I once loarned from watching St. Elsewhere, one must sick ta, facts. And ince a loarned chiropractor wrote about spinal health in this paper last weelc, one must ho careful. So ta give chiropraxis (whatever that is) its due, I walked inta the officeti severe pain. Mfter the usual waits (if you don't have ta, watt you won't believe in the treatmant) I was twisted like a pretzel and given a sovere, loud blow to, parts south. This wEas followod by a troatnient under a combination heat lamp and "magnetic healer." I was then given tbe "magentic healing padY "Keep this taped ta the skcin next ta the affected area,".the chiropractor said. "And be.careful ta koep the red side, or the north-seeking polo, to the ukin, and the grey or south-seeking pole ta, tho outaide." This would magnetize the affected parts and help line them up, he said. After two weeks of wearing thé fridge magnet I should likely be headed permnanently north. To give this guy hie due, I did walk out of bis office much more erect than I went in. But to this day, not even the chiropractor can tell if this was.due ta bis belief in "spinal manipulation," or the "niagnetic, hea]ing pad," or, the flfteen minutes under the heat lanip. What I do0 know is that muscles ravished by the louid judo chop bothered me for two days after.' The fridge magnet hms been with me ever since. I neyer did pay the ton dollar depouit roquested . <Ton dollars depost for a big fridge magnet? Sounds like a 'rip-off ta mp;e!) (A rip-off in the odru world of health and healig You, prou ske3ptic, you!) Now I dont really know if any chiropractor relly bolievos he or she is realy "manipulating the pino.",' Or. whothor they reaUy believo that north-seeking magnets will speod hoabng. Or whother acupuncturors (whatever thoy are) roally béeve that noedles in your nome wi]l cure plantar's warts. TIhe trouble is, in timo of pain we wiil reach out for anythiàng. If two pills washod down with water won't work, woil try anyone who'll promise relief. What we don't want is sme smart-assed doctar tel us that the spine can't be manipulated, that magnats oen't heal, and that needles do't iR pain. Or wo could do as Charles Dickens did: sleop ever night with the head cof the bed Painting ta, the n=rt mugc pole "to a]ign the body ffiuids."i Tow prs ent s report on heliu alon By Trudie Zavovios The Tovwbas goné dg fat;as it cari ;oon. the -issue ,of 'the environmental:.safoty ýof hlu balloouis4,. ,* ,Since tho issue.was raised-last ,October, Towpfstaff have conduc- -ted tboir own study- intoAthe anvironmental safaty of helium bajloons, .and- the arguments'for .andb-against-are ,conptained -;n an ,eitensaýiï report. --.: Tlhe "te - t,iâloîg* wll4etters &6oM concornied! citizenýs,,vill'be forwrdedto nviroriment. Canada, tbe MI istryoth Enviroriment and'the Ministry of Natural:.Resourcas.,, ý- , ; To daît; 'tlere ,arenolederal or provinci.al 9gri lityuCg a.9pwe :th@- latex b.ai!QQns.p ý.ollu.te.. the onyvironment and endanger wil- dIlfe wbon ingested b animàls. Supporters of the ballo9ns, sucb isret ierp, ùarue,tbt4e lateX balloo i.cupletély biode- gradable and therefore barnileas. Thore is information support. ng both theories in the report. Te Town is recomending that thé, Ministry of the Environment and the Ministry of Natural Resources review the issue and davelop environmentally sound regulations around the releasa of helium-fillad balloons. Happy Mother's Day! Let us pamper your inother. Give ber a gift certificate. r Wooden Outdoor Furniture MYRTLE RD. -*- Ué TICKSON L--WHITBY 'Jexagons, Octagons, Benches, Chair etc# *Handmade, preassembled, sanded, ready to be staied i SPLASH OFF... hiÏl efctveadonivasîve a655«8558 Sona ueaar constructionj FOR HEALTHY LUNGS. 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