Whitby Free Press, Wecdiesday, August 25, 1993, Page 7 .... ... ... .... ... ... ..tt......t....t..............t................ eJeîrks Speaking of fairness and equity -- which we weren't but supposinq we were -- we would be cornpelIed to talk about lawyers. And speaking of lawyers, one must mention Bertha Wilson and ber report on gender bias. This report, released' on the weekend before the Canadian Bar Association, concluded that lawyers are jerks. No, amend that. Not just plain jerks. Sexist jerks. To corne to that conclusion, former Supreme Court Judge Wilson headed a task force over two years, running up a bill of $400,000. Funny. 1 have known a few lawýrers, and in considerably less than two years, and for a littie bit less than $400,000 1 could h ave told them the sanie thing. A lot of lawyers are .jerks. And since most lawyers are maie, many woul dbe sexist jerks. Wilson did not say, but I will: many females lawyers are jerks, too. That might foliow logically froni mathematics. There are 37,000 lawyers in Canada. (Think of that! 37,000! The mit\d boggles.) 0f these, 28 per cent are fena e Thus: Iight y more than 10,000 female Surely more than a few are jerks. In fact, let me go further: I have met a few female lawyers, and can only conclude that being a jerk is not restricted to being maie. Don't believe me? Cail the crown attorney's office in, say, Durham Region. Now iawyers neyer answer their own phones in person, a trick they are taught in law schooi. So tell the non-lawyer who answers the p hone that you want to speak Wo the jerk female a er. Nine tii es out of ten your cail will be routed to t he correct desk. Wilson's report mentions a situation in which a fernale lawyer met a maie lawyer in open legal contest, in the presence of the judge a nd th efem aie lawyer's clients. When asked by t he female lawyer what position he Wook, the maie lawyer replied: "The missionary position.» 0f course, oniy a jerk could make such a comment. Only a jerk of a Judge would tolerate it. But instead of replying: "Then, quick, lie down on your back," the female lawyer apparently pouted and ran to tel Bertha Wilson on hin. I don't mean Wo make light of the pligbt of victinis of jerks. But being a jerk is in a way a sort of maie bonding thing, learned on football teanis and soccer teanis and basebali teanis and hockey teams and basketbail teanis. Couid anyone but jerks flick towels at nude butts and tell off-coiour lies about girls they have known? Wilson bas indicated that the tendency Wo be a sexist jerk is enhanced by alcobol. True. It is well known that testosterone, tinted even ligbtiy by alcohol, turns into a tougb, sticky, rubber-like jeily calied "sexist jerk extract." Anyone who bas wit- nessed a group of maies, iawyers or not, in a shgbhtiy inebriated state bas seen this extract at work. Females in the sanie state, lawyers or not, turn into equally vile -- but apparently not sexist -- jerks. Law scbool brings out the special flavour of jerks. Bertba Wilson hopes Wo neutralize tbis by introducing sensitivity training in iaw school. Right next to the day care unit. Good iuck. She would introduce Marquis of Queensberry Ruies for lawy ers. When deaiing with female lawyers, no hittingbelow the belt. Or above the beit, eitber. Froni what iawyers bave Wold me about law schooi, kindness and consideration for otbers is not high on the list of desirabie traits. Show me a kind, con- siderate iawyer, determined Wo be fair Wo both sides of an issue and lIl1 show you a iawyer headed for a nervous breakdown. Good iuck, Bertha. iBROCK STREET LoOKJNG SOUTHI FROM ELM ST1REET9 1939 Whitby>s streets are empty in this picture taken by local photographer Marjory G. Ruddy. The building in the centre of the photo is the Dominion Bank, now the home of the Silver Thimble Quiît Store. Wib mie ht 10 YEARSl AGO from the Wednesday, August 24, 1983 edition of the WIIITBY FREE PRESS " Swimmer Anne Ottenbrite won a goid inedal at the Pan Arnerican Cames in Venezuela in the 100-metre breaststroke. " Sunnycrest Retirement Villa on Dundas Street East opened on Aug. 17. " The tender bas been awarded for $405,000 to convert the second floor of the Dr. J.O. Ruddy Hospital into a continuing care unit. *Safeway is selling bananas at 39 cents a pound. 35 YEARS AGO from the Thursday, August 21, 1958 edition of the WH1TBY WEEKLY NEWS " The nurnber of telephones in Wihitby has doubled in tbree years. " Stokely Van Camp canning factory pays out $700,000 in wages to the local community during the harvest season. " The Whitby Board of Education honoured Bill Forbes for his nine years as chairman, on bis'moving to Napanee. " Plans have been made te establish a branch of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty te, AnimaIs at Whitby. 80 YEARS AGO from the Thursday, August 21, 1913 edition of the WITBY GAZETTE AND CH.RONICLE " James McÇlellari is the new school trustee for the South Ward. " The suiphur weii at Heydenshore Park is said te have cured rheumatisrn. " Mrs. John B. Ladlaw organized a garden party for the residents of the House of Refuge. " Fred Luke's new butcher shop in Broolin is open from 7 a.m. te 9 p.m. daiiy. --i