2 Friday, October 25, 2019 brooklintowncrier.com "Proud to be a Brooklinite" Founded in 2000 and published 24 times per year. Editor, Richard Bercuson 613-769-8629 • editorofbtc@gmail.com The Brooklin Town Crier is locally owned and operated and is a publication of Appletree Graphic Design Inc. We accept advertising in good faith but do not endorse advertisers nor advertisements. All editorial submissions are subject to editing. For advertising information, contact: 905.655.7642 Email: brooklintowncrier@gmail.com Next Issue: Friday, November 15, 2019 Deadline: Friday, November 8, 2019 We have expectations and associated consequences in our house rather than set rules. The guiding principles we use are intended to teach our daughter (and any little visitors) that we value respect, teamwork, and giving your best effort. In addition, they are empowered to make decisions if they're in line with the expectations. The idea is that our daughter learns to make wise and considerate decisions while learning to be independent. It's a great confidence boost for a child to figure out something on their own, and to learn from it. For example, one expectation is that everyone is to clean up after themselves. Since we're super busy with sports, we have a window of time within which the clean-up can happen. A spilled drink requires an immediate clean-up whereas toys/ clothes left out can be cleaned up a little later if we need to be somewhere. However, the rules in our grandchildren's or a friend's home may be vastly different. In divorced families, the rules can vary from house to house. Unless your child has special needs, then they are to follow those expectations. When you think about it, adapting to different expectations and rules is a skill that will follow children throughout their lives. The old rules I remember the rules my brothers and I had as kids. I can still hear my mom saying, 'You can't leave the table until your plate is empty." We had some rules that didn't make much sense to us, but we didn't dare question them or we'd be told, "Because I said so" or "Just do as you're told." When we go to Grandma's, these rules prevail. Now an adult, I realize that many of the rules evolved out of fear and concern for our safety. We need to teach children the importance of following rules for their safety so they can function in society. However, we should never be upset when they question those rules and why they're in place. In fact, respectful inquiries are why many rules and societal expectations have changed for the better. So, when my daughter questions why she must empty her plate when she's no longer hungry, I let her. You should see the look my mother gives her (and me) since she sees questioning as insolent behaviour. Respect them It puzzles our daughter why she can't ask. But we've explained that the rules are different at Grandma's and she must respect them. And it's important that grandparents be willing to adjust some of the older rules, especially those that help children evolve into the adults they need to become. Rules such as 'clean your plate' may not be necessary. Some though, like brushing your teeth before bed, are good to reinforce. Sometimes it goes the other way. Grandparents don't have to have the same rules as you did when you were raised. T-shirts saying "What happens at Grandma's stays at Grandma's" just shows that sometimes the expectations have been relaxed with the raising of the new generation. If the rules are different at Grandma's, it's okay. If kids have a clear understanding of the expectations in each household, they can adjust and benefit from learning how to navigate different expectations. The Rules are Different at Grandma's Our Brooklin Kids By Leanne Brown