6 Friday, April 24, 2020brooklintowncrier.com Know of a Neighbourhood Hero? Contact Editor Richard Bercuson to let us know! editorofbtc@gmail.com By now, for most of us, the novelty of self-isolation and social distancing has well worn off. We are forced to accept an unwelcome reality: Our lives as we knew them before COVID-19 are over, at least for the time being. This altered reality has many people feeling a variety of emotions: stress, anxiety, sadness, helplessness and fear, to name a few. As days go on, however, there is another predominant feeling, difficult to name, but a pervasive one. That is, a collective sense of loss. We are all grieving. The link between grief and the loss of loved ones to this virus is easy to see; it'sa a type of grief we understand. Yet there are many other types of loss people are experiencing right now that are contributing significantly to our psychological states.. Intangible losses We are grieving the loss of jobs, financial security, our routines, our children's education and our connection with friends, family and co-workers. However, we are also struggling with less tan- gible losses. Now, we must also endure the loss of freedom, predictability, normalcy, and safety in our lives. We are fighting against something we can't see; we fear it could be everywhere, anywhere, and must operate as though it is just to be safe. We have lost the ability to have things to look forward to at least in the near future, as the openendedness to this pandemic adds further strain on us all. When schools were first closed, the initial deadline to return allowed us all to plan and prepare for how we would get through that defined period of time. Now as the "finish lines" continue to get moved and is open-ended, our ability to plan for the finish line is gone. Most people don't do well with this kind of uncertainty. We like to know and plan. We need concrete guidelines to wrap our heads around. Without those goals in the future, all we can do is focus on today. For many, today isn't bringing much comfort. Anticipatory grief Although we know our isolation is temporary, there is a sense of anticipatory grief, which is the mind imagining future situations and creating worst case scenarios. It's the knowledge that there is something coming, something that will be bad, or changed forever in ways we didn't ask for. We are grieving that life may never be the same again. Will the plexiglass barriers that separate us ever come down? Will we be able to look at strangers in the grocery store and smile without fearing that they might infect us? Will we ever be able to travel again? How many ways can we imagine that our world will be different when this is over? That is a significant loss. Name and claim your grief When the glass is viewed half full, we can see that maybe there will be some changes for the better. But in the midst of this world changing, life-altering event, it is best to name and claim the grief. When you name it, you feel it, and it moves through you. One well known concept in pop psychology is Elisabeth Kubler Ross's "5 Stages of Grief." 1 - Denial: This virus won't come to Canada. 2 - Anger: I'm being forced to self isolate and not work or see my friends. 3 - Bargaining: If I stay inside for 14 days, this will be over and I can get back to my life. 4 - Sadness: I have lost so many of the things that are important to me. 5 - Acceptance: I have no choice. This is real and I have to find a way to get through it. Understanding these stages of grief and that they can happen in any order can help us allow our natural feelings to surface, giving us the chance to process them in a healthy way. Of these stages, the last one, acceptance and what we make of it, can contribute to how we will cope with the loss moving forward. Once we accept the situation, we can make choices to help us feel a greater sense of control. For example, we can accept our working virtually, that we now wear gloves and masks and stand in line at stores, that we can distance ourselves and wash our hands to stay the safest. Grief is a natural response - and serves a purpose We must experience our grief to allow us to adapt to loss. It is okay to feel grief over what we are losing. But it is also okay to allow ourselves to be distracted, to laugh or even feel happy. People who cope well with loss are those who can allow themselves to flow with the transient nature of grief, to move in and out of the feelings which allow grief to do its job. Be sure to examine your own various states of emotion and determine areas of your life where you may be feeling a sense of loss. The act of writing it down and putting words to how you are feeling can help make that vague sense of unease more concrete. When writing about your losses, also write about your inner strengths and coping skills. Draw upon your past experiences and recall how you were able to manage other difficult and seemingly impossible challenges. Although most of us have not had specific experience with a pandemic in our pasts, we have all faced adverse situations and were able to overcome. Resist the urge to deflect your grief Many people struggle with intense emotion, especially grief, fearing that letting themselves feel it will open up a floodgate which will send an unstoppable tidal wave of emotion down on them. Rather than a floodgate, try to think of processing your emotion like a tap: you can control when, and how much you turn the tap on. Allow it to flow as it needs to and tell yourself that it is normal, and reasonable, to feel these things under the circumstances. Try to avoid comparing yourself to others in terms of how you are managing your emotions. Talk to others you trust about how you are truly feeling and stop yourself if you notice that you are disallowing your grief by telling yourself that you shouldn't be feeling it or that others are handling it better. Sit with the feeling, observe it, and allow it to be. Let it flow through you, and then move on until the next time it comes. Doing this will allow you to process your grief and reduce its intensity over time. If you or someone you know is having significant difficulty navigating emotions in the face of COVID-19, consider reaching out to one of the many skilled mental health providers in our community who have the training and skills to help you through this challenging time. Cathy Nagy is the founder and director of Cathy Nagy Psychology, a psychological and counselling service located in Brooklin, Ontario. For more information about the mental health services provided, please refer to www.cnpsychology.ca or call 905-655-2305. COVID-19: Grieving the loss of our lives as we knew them By Cathy Nagy, C.Psych. Assoc. Registered Member of the College of Psychologists