4 Friday, September 9, 2022brooklintowncrier.com If your teen is like mine, there was a summer growth spurt. Little t-shirts and shorts that were cute in the spring are now practically scandalous. Fortunately as they return to school, a shopping trip is in order even though it's no easy feat shopping for young teen girls. On one such trip, my daughter and I were frustrated and butted heads. She wanted trendy clothes celebrities wear, except they're hard to fit on young teens. Stores stock little that's appropriate for a 13-year old. Tops are tiny and too revealing. Jeans and sweats are oversized and overwhelming. Even the larger girls seemed to find the clothing a challenge. Designed more for women in their twenties, the clothes my daughter and her friends crave just don't fit properly. We searched the racks for some middle ground, cute and trendy clothes designed for girls in transition from child to adult. When I found something more age appropriate, I got that look. You know, the one that implies you're old, out of touch and clueless about fashion. In the end, we found jeans, a couple of shirts and even a dress that was originally scorned. After trying it on "just because you're making me," she decided it was "a slay." Translation: acceptable. She wore it to dinner that night. Seemed mom does know a thing or two about style after all. The hardest part of this shopping is talking about how clothes can give people the wrong idea of who you are. While teen girls want to look cool, there's a balance between being stylish without being too sexy. Though fashion fights may seem to be about how much a top or pants reveal, they're often just about control. We need to remember that it's normal for teens to seek friction with their parents. Clothing choices are a safe way to do it. So, how to make your point without a blow-up? Offer feedback calmly. If you're really unhappy about the belly-revealing top, for instance, you'll get the greatest effect approaching it matter-of-factly. You could say, "You should be prepared that that shirt might bring extra attention. I just don't want you surprised by it.'" This indicates you respect their choice but may give them pause to think about what you said. And, if they still want the shirt, show them ways to control the look by pairing it with high-waisted jeans. What's you family's middle ground? How the conversation evolves depends a lot on your family's norms. Some parents might say, "You're not allowed to wear that." Others might give more leeway. The way to get it wrong is to just lay down the law without trying to understand each other's positions. Or say nothing at all when it's clear the girl is wearing something completely inappropriate. Find the win-win. A way to avoid clothing fights is to adopt a "mutual veto" rule while shopping together. Here, you and your teenager are allowed to veto clothing selections. You keep shopping until you find an item you both agree on. The good news is that bad clothing choices, unlike, say, drinking and driving choices, aren't likely to permanently harm your teenager. Sure, there may be a "What was I thinking" moment. But it's another learned experience. I reflect on some of my own outrageous teen style choices and yet I somehow became an adult who knows what's appropriate to wear and when. I have faith my daughter will, too. Clothing choices: It's about control Brooklin Family Matters: by Leanne Brown Brooklin's Community Newspaper Proud to be a Brooklinite Since 2000. Published 24 times per year. Editor, Richard Bercuson 613-769-8629 • editorofbtc@gmail.com • Circulation 8000 • Delivery via Canada Post Locally owned and operated. A publication of Appletree Graphic Design Inc. We accept advertising in good faith but do not endorse advertisers nor advertisements. All editorial submissions are subject to editing. For advertising information, contact: Email: mulcahy42@rogers.com Next Issue: Friday, September 23, 2022 Deadline: Friday, September 16, 2022 Brooklin TOWN CRIER.com