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4 The Canadian Statesman, Bowmanville. July 8,1987 Section Two Handling by Lloyd Scott Is it true the world over or just where we live that we allow ourselves and others to take time off from work or school only when we're physically sick? Physical illness is understandably high on our list of concerns to be attended to. We have elaborate, expensive means available for its diagnosis and treatment. And, by and large, we're pleased with our health-care system. But our individual health-care systems can be improved. Physical illness is "acceptable". We're not embarrassed by it. We talk glibly of cancer and pneumonia, heart attacks and the flu, and about viruses and bacteria that "are going around". They're all an openly acknowledged part of life. In fact, a person who's been cold-free for several years may seem stronge to us, instead of merely healthy. We suspect that that person may be trying to look better than the rest of us. We're united by the physical health problems that we have in common. However, we don't talk about our emotional problems, moods and worries 1 with anything like the same openness. Those we want to hide. It's not easy to tell others that we're lonely, sad, depressed, insecure, frightened, unhappy. . We hire professionals. To them we can talk about our private, innermost feelings. That way, they reman hidden from the rest of the world. Counsellors don't talk, there's little or no risk. When we talk to friends or family about our feelings that trouble us, we may risk misunderstanding and rejection. We may also risk getting the old familiar response of denial: "come on, it's not that bad. Cheer up." "You think you're bad off. Listen to what I'm going through." We're also risking indifference. Lots of people don't care. And the belief that people don't care, whether it's always borne out or not, is widespread. When we need someone to listen to us, we may face considerable rejection, misunderstanding, denial and indifference before we find that someone. As a friend said to me, "Nobody wants to hear my bellyaching about my husband and my marriage. I might as well just keep it to myself." Her cheery tone masked any Sickness negative feelings or thoughts she might have had about her husband or her marriage, stuff that she'd obviously like to sort out by talking it over with someone. Partly because she believes she can't do that talking, she believes she must appear up, happy and strong. Unfortunately, we're not drawn together as much as most people would like by the emotional diseases we all have in common. Too often, our ways of dealing with them, including forced cheerfulness, tend to separate us. The phrase, "mental-health day," and the practice of taking such a day off from time to time have been around for a while. It's understood as a day off for emotional rest and recuperation. However, we seldom give the real reason to employer or teacher. Instead, we describe or invent stomachaches, headaches and indigestion that may be only symptoms. They're the pretext. We need the pretext in order to preserve our image of normalcy. One of the ways we maintain good old normalcy is admitting to catching a cold but keeping our depression a secret, acknowledging a migraine or a backache but downplaying the emotional stress that may cause them. When we always behave in the ways expected of us, in the ways that are necessary to achieve that normality, we wind up getting, or needing to get, sick. Conformity with established norms is something most of us place near the pinnacle of importance in our lives, particularly our work lives. By doing so, one of the other values we put at risk is our physical and mental health. If too many of our idiosyncratic needs are stifled by our attempts to fit prescribed rules or accepted patterns, then boredom, neurosis, psychosis and certainly poorer physical health will be regular predictable outcomes. After all, the meaning of most illness is the protest of a system whose prior warning signals have been ignored. Lloyd Scott is a Marriage and Family Counsellor in private practice in the Orono Medical Centre and in Oshawa. He welcomes letters from readers. Please feel free to write him in confidence, confidence, c/o The Statesman, Box 190, Bowmanville, Ont. L1C 3K9 Durham O.E.S. On Tuesday,June 23, 1987, Durham Chapter, O.E.S., held its Friendship Night, with many out-of-town visitors in attendance. At this meeting, the Spring Draw was held, with the following winners: Table Lamp - Audrey Martin, Bowmanville; Round Picture- Nicole Devonish, Newtonville; Square Picture - Pat Kidd, Newcastle; Afghan - Mamie Gay, Oshawa; Green Vase - June White, Harwood; Crystal Cream and Sugar - Janet McCracken, Newcastle. BUSINESS DIRECTORY ACCOUNTANCY WILLIAM C. HALL B. Comm. Chartered Accountant 35 King St. W., Newcastle Phone 987-4240 JOHN MANUEL, C.G.A. 118 King St. East, Bowmanville Phone 623-6555 WINTERS, SUTHERLAND & MOASE Peter A. Hobb, C.A. Chartered Accountants 23 Silver St. Bowmanville 623-9461 . DOUGLAS R. FREEMAN, B.A., C.A. Chartered Accountant 1913 Dundas St. E., Whitby, Ontario Phone 576-4619 CHIROPRACTIC G. EDWIN MANN, D.C. Chiropractor 39 Pamela Court By Appointment -- 623-5509 Member of Canadian and Ontario Chiropraclic Associations JOHANNES L. BAARBÉ B.P.E., B.Sc., D.C. Doctor of Chiropractic 29 King St. W. Newcastle Phone 987-4600 LAURENCE A. GREY Doctor of Chiropractic 50 Richmond St. E., Suite 2 McLaughlin Square Oshawa, LtG 7C7 Phone 433-1500 COMPUTERS ANDY BATELAAN, B.A. Consultant Programmer Software Development Maple Grove Rd. N. s Bowmanville Phone 623-2375 LEONARD JAY, B.Sc.,D.C. Doctor of Chiropractic 96 Queen Street Bowmanville Phone 623-9297 HOME SERVICE BARINA JhL HOME CHECK ^20 hase your rnirid while you are away. Barb Shelter - Ina Cox Newtonville 786-2996 7 - 8 a.m., after 6 p.m. ; This Space Available NATUROPATHIC MEDICINE LAURENCE A. GREY, N.D. Doctor of Naturopathy Nutrition, homeopathic, and botanical medicine; Colonic therapy & acupuncture 50 Richmond St. E„ Suite 2 McLaughlin Square Oshawa, L1G 7C7 Phone 433-1500 REFLEXOLOGY BY ANNA Anna M. Bragg, R.N, By Appointment Only R.R. 4 Bowmanville, Ontario L1C 3K5 Phone 623-9198 'KEEP YOUR FOOD COSTS DOWN -- SHOP BY THE BOX" ($1.50 FUSTIC BOX DEPOSIT) The Food Terminal" KNOB HILL SPECIALS AVAILABLE ALL WEEK, MON.-SAT.! PRODUCT OF U.S.A. California CANADA # 1 GRADE SANTA ROSA PLUMS OWN BAG I MEDIUM SIZE ARM & HAMMER HEAVY DUTY CONCENTRATE detergen: u LARGE 10 L CARRY BOX È 2 Limit ^ lire S «amer Uni l h H* taper Waskhuu An M ZM Fleecy Fabric Softener 3.6 L Jug 2.69 ARRIVING DAILY FROM ONTARIO FARMS HEAD LETTUCE CANADA #1 GRADE FROM ONTARIO PACKERS CUT FROM CANADA GRADE "A" BEEF SHOULDER & ELIDE STEMS HARDEE FARMS CANADA FANCY GRADE FROM THE TROPICS FROZEN VEGETABLES BANANAS West -- Mississauga DIXIE MALL At Dixie Rd. South ol Queen Elizabeth Way North -- Markham WOODBINE NORTH At No. 7 Highway, Markham Central -- Toronto 222 Lansdowne Avenue Corner Dundas St. West WE RESERVE THE RIGHT MONDAY TUESDAY WEDNESDAY TO LIMIT 9 A.M.-10 P.M. 9 A.M.-10 P.M. 9 A.M.-10 P.M. North York TERMINAL 12549 Weston Rd. Just south of Hwy. 401 Downtown--Toronto 222 CHERRY STREET East -- Pickering HWY. 2 & BROCK RD. Just South ol the LHt Bridge In Pickering ITHURSDAY 8 A.M.-10 P.M. I FRIDAY 8 A.M.-10 P.M. I SATURDAY 7 A.M -10 P.M. OSHAWA/DURHAM FIRST AVE. Between Slmcoe & Ritson Just a "Stone's Throw" North ol 401 i i