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f ! I I I I Section Two T Self-Esteem by Lloyd Scott Y elverton and District News Fifty years ago when 1 was in elementary school, we children were pretty regularly regularly told, "Be quiet," "Sit up straight," "Shut up," "That's wrong," "Listen and pay attention." There were a great many reprimands. reprimands. One of the main messages that school gave us was that we were bad, noisy, wrong, careless and stupid. We had to be repeatedly reprimanded, reprimanded, punished, corrected corrected and controlled. Somehow, teachers and children were adversaries much of the time. The message message we received from adult authority (though not necessarily necessarily the same as the message message sent) was a discouraging, discouraging, belittling put-down devastating devastating to powerless and emotionally immature young children and to their developing self-esteem. We live in a somewhat more enlightened time now. The era of teachers as rigid disciplinarians and as enemies of small children children is fading. Teachers have learned ways to get kids interested and involved involved in the work of the classroom. In my view, the school still imposes its will, its curriculum, curriculum, its expectations and its demands too much on children. However, much of today's schoolwork has been made more interesting. interesting. The school sys- : tern has inched a little closer to the children, acknowledging and adapting adapting to their interests, learning learning to listen more atten- ' lively to their needs. Most important, over the years, schools and teachers have deepened their understanding understanding of young children's children's strong need for encouragement. encouragement. Young children children are in the early stages of building their self-esteem' self-esteem' and confidence. They're undertaking this task in a world that for them is 1 "ever-enlarging arid 1 -in ; many ways intimidatirlgv' Teachers have often said 1 that when children's efforts are encouraged, the payoff in growing confidence and improved learning is tremendous. tremendous. I believe it. I think the key word here, in the building of self- esteem, is encouragement. It's different from praise. Praise says, "Well done." That's often appropriate. Encouragement says, "That's a lot better than the last attempt. Keep trying." It implies continuing progress. progress. Encouragement is a building-block for self-esteem. self-esteem. Today's teachers, with fewer and fewer exceptions, exceptions, know how to hold children's interests with a good story or an imaginative imaginative presentation. They know better than most of my teachers did how to gain children's trust through gentleness, affection and patience. They now understand understand that, for children to develop high self-esteem, they deserve and should get adult respect. As a young child, I was puzzled by teachers' words, "You're not paying attention." attention." When I finally learned what the words themselves meant, I still didn't understand the message. message. Finally, I realized that the teacher was saying, "You're not paying attention attention to me." Then I began to wonder about adult insecurities that led to their sometimes peculiar attitudes toward children. My teachers were right. A lot of the time 1 wasn't paying paying attention to them. But I was paying attention, to all kinds of things, the weather outside, traffic noises, and to my own thoughts and fantasies fantasies about last night's hockey hockey game and the girl sitting in the next row. Kids pay attention to an authoritarian teacher only out of fear and intimidation. intimidation. And what many arc learning is the teacher's authoritarian authoritarian and intimidating intimidating style. Lots of children arc still being disrespected, put down and humiliated. Many suffer terribly from that dread disease; low self-esteem. self-esteem. Lots of adults arc still struggling to feel good about themselves. They too Think Canadian^ suffer from lowself-esteem. I think needless criticism and correction, scolding and reprimand have been and continue to be a significant significant cause of this widespread widespread low self-esteem afflicting both children and adults. Asa university instructor, it would never have occurred occurred to me to say to the adults in my classes, "You're not paying attention." Adults don't generally talk to other adults that way, because it's up to adults to decide what they will or won't pay attention attention to. "Listen and pay attention," attention," and other arrogant put-downs of that kind have traditionally been reserved for children. They're virtually virtually guaranteed to diminish self-esteem.; Lloyd Scott is a Marriage and Family counsellor in private practice practice in the Oror.o Medical Centre and in Oshawa. (intended for last week) Congratulations to a former Yclverton boy --Mr. Case Glasbergcn who has recently accepted a managerial managerial position with the E.M.I. plant on Bennett Road near Bowmanvillc. Best wishes to Case in his new position of responsi- bilty. From our past experience experience with him, lie will give an all out effort to perform satisfactorily. Belated congratulations to Bob and Hazel DeJong who recently observed their Silver Wedding Anniversary. Anniversary. Hazel was pleased to have her sister from the Caymen Islands present on the auspicious occasion. Mrs. Marleah Bowen recently recently visited her sister. Valeric Malcolm, in Montreal for a weekend in that bilingual metropolis. Mr. Murray Malcolm was honoured by his immediate family this week on the occasion occasion of his birthday. Last week the local Old- Timers Hockey Team enjoyed enjoyed an outing at the Murray Murray Malcolm pond. This weekend, Todd Malcolm Malcolm was accompained by his dad, Terry Malcolm, to St. Thomas where the Woodvillc Selects will be participating in the last tournament of the season. Brenda Malcolm, Tara, Jeremy and Jason will be spending the weekend at her parent's collage north of Barrie. Mr. Howard Malcolm attended attended a Saggit Committee meeting in Winnipeg on Wednesday of this week. On Friday evening, we were joined by Bridgcttc and Walter Racz of Myrtle, Ontario, for dinner at Grebs in Whitby. The.special occasion occasion was a sort of "Last Supper" Supper" to bid "au revoir" to the Raezs who have sold their lovely home in Myrtle and will soon be moving bag and baggage to Kelowna, B.C., where they have pur- lie Caii.-uliai' Stalf-maii I!"", '"a chased a residence. Best wishes to Walter and Bridgcttc as they start a new existence in the lovely Okanagan Valley. The past five days, we at Malconia, have been favoured by a small group of diminutive humming birds zooming around our residence, dive bombing each other at incredible speeds, darting hither and yon in a blur of wings stopping stopping now and again to replenish replenish their reservoir at our humming bird feeders. This year to add to useless trivia, our small tomato patch has been infested nvillc. September 2. 1987 11 with weiner size tomato worms that killed 25 torn torn a los one day. On Saturday evening. Mona Malcolm hosted her annual corn roast here at Malconia with around 25 of her peers in attendance. A large bonfire alleviated to some degree the windy ahd chilly unseasonable fall weather. Miss Terry "Teddy" Forbes was honoured on the occasion of her birthday. birthday. If you see a car with a personalized license plate "FORBZY" give the driver a big toot! -- that's Teddy. • it u X If Oi f virui/v j.?v> isij X: x'i Xfi',. <Kif h: .V\.;k.f vv <K»L rr. : : r /i-L m•.•/in-1 Ÿ i*) ■?!oiy>L- ints s -sj-y/j jtid.f) ,duw'isH)'o.f .qhï noom ¥ ■ "m 1 ! ' i, . ■ a OUR KBS SAFETY □GOMES FUST lYKSTRA'S ELICATESSEN FOOD MARKET 77 King St. W., Bowmanville 623-3541 "Home of Quality" James Insurance 24 king St. E., Bowmanville 623-4406 For your service: Doug, Nesta, Eleanor, Gayle V>-)< ■J. Anderson Smith Co. Ltd. 97 King St. E., Newcastle 987-4721 Newcastle Lumber 361 King St. E. Newcastle 987-4234 or 987-5050 Ventury Homes 160 Baseline Rd. East Bowmanville 623-2559 Durham Regional Police Force 77 Centre St. N. Oshawa 579-1520 Brian P. Bastianelli (President) Recommended and approved by $10.00 OFF the Regular Price* 5- of rust Proofing 153 King St. E., Bowmanville 623-2615 PRESTON Moving & Storage Ltd. 420 Base Line Rd. W. Bowmanville 623-4433 Canadian Tire Corporation 160 Church St., Bowmanville Service Dept. 623-4601 Store 623-2518 This message is sponsored by: Carter's Bakery 21 King St. E„ Bowmanville 623-5855 Bowmanville Travel 47 King St. W., Bowmanville 623-3182 Morris Funeral Chapel Ltd. 4 Division St. Bowmanville 623-5480 McGregor Hardware 95 King St. W. Bowmanville 623-2542 Treacy and Harvey Insurance Brokers Ltd. 7A Division St., Bowmanville 623-2527 Petley-Hare Ltd. Insurance Brokers 181 Church St., Bowmanville 623-6100 Brenda Hoult Skyli9 ht 00nuts 87 King Street E., Bowmanville 623-4549 Open Mon. 5 a.m. to Sat. 12 midnight, closed Sunday