The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

l I ( 8 The Canadian Statesman, Bowmanville, November 18,1987 Section Two Constructive Discussions by Lloyd Scott Friends and families of ours were sitting around, including including children of various ages. One subject led to another. another. Here are some bits from those conversations about our family lives. One 8 year-old said she hated it when her dad told her she was sloppier, sillier, and worse than her 2 year- old sister. "It makes me feel like I'm just a little kid and and I feel stupid." One 14 year-old boy said he felt trapped when his parents tola him "or else." As he put it, "It's better to do whatever they ask right away, because if you put it off you get into trouble, then you have to do it anyway." On hearing this, one parent cracked, ,r So threats do work after all!" Another teenager explained, explained, "Parents are out to get us. Even if we do what they ask, when they ask, thev find something wrong with it anyway. No matter what kids do, it's a dead-end for them. "Parents and kids Eire practically practically enemies. By arguing all the time, they develop bad relationships/ Parent: "If lads did what they were told, there wouldn't be any arguments! What do you say to that?" Teen: "That's the trouble. Parents just want kids to obey them all the time. Do this, do that. What if they don't always feel like it? It's hard for kids to say no. Besides, Besides, they always have to do the crummy jobs." Parent: "I wish I knew how to get co-operation from children. A lot of the time I settte for obedience." Another parent: "I've given up on my kids. I've asked them to do stuff over and over. I'm fed up and I'm not going to ask them to do anything. anything. I don't trust them to do anything. I'm exasperated exasperated and disappointed;" After a long silence, em older older teenager said, ,r Lots of kids are exasperated and disappointed too. We can't do anything right. It's the pits not being trusted." Parent: "Well, kids have to earn that trust, don't they?" Teen: "Yeah, maybe. But we've got to have some leeway. leeway. Parents should try harder to trust us." Another teen picked it up. "It doesn't matter if it's joking joking or serious. Parents tell their kids too often that they're worthless and can't do anything right. It begins to sink in after a while. Lots of parents say right out that they can't wait for their kids to leave home. Kids figure they're in the wrong family." family." Teenager: "Yeah. That's why kids prefer to do chores and help out in other families. They get appreciated." appreciated." Parent: "Don't parents have a right to ask their children children to help around the house?" A couple of boys disagreed. "No. If parents want a neater neater house, that's got nothing to do with me. That's their problem." One girl said, "Yes, they do have the right. Sometimes I think I should do more around the house,. Otherwise, Otherwise, I feel guilty." Boys and girls adapt early to stereotyped roles. Boys grow up believing they don't have to help around the house. Girls grow up believing believing they do. Mom has to do the domestic work. Dan can volunteer when he wants to. A child said that she hated it when her parents complained complained about her messy room'. "Messy is cozy," she said. Maybe that's how the rec room, the family room got started. It's a natural and healthy need for parents and children to have some separate space, where they can be free of each other. Within reason, they should both be permitted privacy to •do as they wish in their own space. Shared Spaces and things (bathtubs, pianos, dishes, etc.) are a different matter. Maintaining them can and should be a co-operative enterprise. enterprise. But when children's children's co-operation isn't voluntary, voluntary, most parents quite properly insists on it. It's their right and their responsibility responsibility to do so. Most of us parents try to set a good example of cooperation cooperation within the limits of our patience. After all, it took most of us a most of us a long time to learn to be cooperative. cooperative. The impromptu flurry of conversation we had that summer afternoon is still one of the best ways to deal with what goes on between parents ana their children. We all seemed to feel easier and a bit lighter after we'd frankly aired our opinions. Lloyd Scott is a Marriage' and Family Counsellor in private practice in Oshawa and the Orono Medical Center. Center. He welcomes letters' from readers. Please feel free to write in confidence to' Handling It, c/o The Statesman, Statesman, Box 190, Bowmanville, Ontario. LlC 3K9 Obituaries DONALD FYFE McAR- THUR A member of St. Paul's United Church, Donald Fyfe McArthur, aged 73, died Saturday, October 31, 1987, in Strathaven Nursing Home, after a lengthy illness. illness. Son of the late Mr. and Mrs. Robert McArthur, he was educated in Paris, and in 1940 he married Helen Margret Blake. A resident of Bowmanville Bowmanville for 32 years, Mr. McArthur McArthur was employed by the Department of Correctional Services. Left to mourn his passing are his wife, Helen; daughter, daughter, Karen, and husband Robert Johnson, Calgary; son Blake and wife Debbie, Edmonton, son Paul and wife Jill, Pennington, N.J., a step-daughter Sue and husband Brian Hancock and family, Bowmanville and a sister Margaret and husband Ray Broomfield, Paris. The Reverend E. Schamerhorn officiated at the services held on Monday, Monday, November 2, in St. Paul's United Church, Bowmanville. Bowmanville. Funeral arrangements arrangements were by Northcutt Elliott Elliott Funeral Home. Interment Paris. GERLOF VANDERGAAST A former caretaker of the Rehoboth Christian Reformed Reformed Church, Bowmanville, Bowmanville, Gerlof VanderGaast, aged 90, died Friday, Oc- tober23,1987, in Brampton. Born in Lemmer, The Netherlands, Mr. VanderGaast VanderGaast was married to the late Grietje Kuiper on June 8, 1922, and immigrated to Bowmanville in 1951. He pursued a career as a plumber and electrician before retirement 22 years ago and served as an elder in the Rehoboth Christian Reformed Church. Moving from Bowmanville in 1983, Mr. VanderGaast lived in nursing homes in Grimsby and Brampton. Surviving are his six sons Henk, Albert, Jacob, Wiebe, Jelle, Thys, and two daughters Anne and Froukje and 44 grandchildren, grandchildren, 41 great grandchildren grandchildren and two sisters in The Netherlands. The Reverend A. DeJager officiated at the funeral services services held on Monday, October October 26, 1987, at the Rehoboth Rehoboth Christian Reformed Church. His six grandsons, Gerry, Gary, George, Jim, Gelf, and Calvin VanderGaast served as pallbearers. Interment Bowmanville Cemetery. "KEEP YOUR FOOD COSTS DOWN - SHOP BY THE BOX" (1.50 PLASTIC BOX DEPOSIT) Çy PRODUCT OF ONTARIO FRESH NEVER FROZEN (KM U'K. C*--<- ' '*Z0CK t* WHOLE OR HALF LODI OF PORK NO CENTRE CHOPS REMOVED! SUN PAC CANADA CHOICE PURE OR LIBBY'S FROM CONCENTRATE PURE PINEAPPLE APPLE JUICE •JUICE 48 FL.OZ. 1.36 L TIN MIX OR MATCH 89 0 6 TIN LIMIT PRODUCT OF ONTARIO 66 A " FRESH CANADA GRADE A i NEVER FROZEN 2-4 LBS. AVG.Wl^ ; BIRD LIMIT PRODUCT OF CANADA FRESH Ofl PREVIOUSLY FROZEN CHICKEN LEGS BACKS ATTACHED 1.96 kg 89*t LB. ASSORTED VARIETIES SNOOPY DRINKS 3 PAC X 250 mL TETRA-PACK FRUIT DRINK IUIX ultMCOtiNlUllOIMUX* V11UWCEMCW0 (SO* CASE OF 9 (3x250 mL) 5.99 DEMPSTER SUNSHINE BRAND SLICED LARGE 675 g LOAF •WHITE»60% WHOLE WHEAT •20%CRACKED WHEAT •HOT DOG ROLLS (BRACK) •HAMBURGER BUNS (BRACK) • ENGLISH MUFFINS (6 PACK) MIX OR MATCH 9 LOAF OR PKG. LIMIT SUNSHINE e JAM e LEMON . • FILLED BUNSrack] .49 FROM ONTARIO PACKERS CUT FROM CANADA GRADE "A" BEEF McC Al N-SWEETH E ART CHEESE BARS HIGHLINER CAPTAIN'S CHICKEN FROZEN 300 g BOX MIX OR MATCH e BREADED NUGGETS • BREADED STRIPS • BREADED BURGERS FROM ONTARIO PACKERS kg M3 FRESH VEAL SHOULDER CHOICE CANADIAN LB. NEVER FROZEN 1.69 CANADA PACKERS FRESH OR PREVIOUSLY FROZEN .i«œm.89 $ FROM ONTARIO PACKERS I CO PORK Am hocks FRESH NEVER FROZEN 5 LB. LIMIT LB. 69 QUALITY PACKERS BONELESS "TOWN CLUB" BRAND kg 5.49 2-3 LB. AVERAGE VAC PAC LB. 2.49 PRODUCT OF CANADA VAC PACl3sISH3?l UTILITY GRADE ROCK CORNISH kg 328 18-20 0Z. AVERAGE LB. .49 uiitu tuic rni idauI QUALITY PACKERS CENTRE SLICED 5( "TOWN CLUB" BRAND RINDL ESS g SIDE BACON - ] X) g VAC PAC" 1.99 ÎPmi MAPLE LEAF BRAND 4 £ WHI ALL BEEF B.B.Q. OR REGULAR j WIENERS » »0 g VAC PAC 1.49 MAPLE LEAF BRAND FROZEN /âÿût 500 g TRAY PAC GOLDEN FRY «PURE PORK KS2 J AR ® SAUSAGE! 1.99 ffi MAPLE LEAF BRAND 3173 POLISH ,0.10 SAUSAGE AT DELI COUNTER '169 QUALITY PACKERS AT DELI COUNTER A 3Û coôüeô 1 ÛÛ TV? HAM LB. 1 III GERBER STRAINED PETFOODS BlUl • VEGETABLES MAM • FRUITS e JUICES I WUll I MIX OR MATCH I (Excluding Meats A Meat Dinners) GAYLEA 2% NORDICA COTTAGE CHEESE PRAIRIE FRESH PACK FOODS FROZEN ASSORTED PRE-COOKED PEROdES [UNCLE BEN'S CONVERTED meg SUNFLOWEM OIL! IfjERGENSe !r BAR SOAP WITH THIS COUPON 450 g PKG. OF 5 BARS COUPON VALID UN I IL CLOSING SAT., NOV. 21/87. LIMIT ONE PKG. ONE COUPON PER FAMILY IN-STORE RETAIL 1.29 LAUNDRY DETERGENT 3 LITRE JUG (2 LIMIT