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8 The Canadian Statesman, Bowmanville, July 3,1991 Section Two Handling It... by Lloyd Scott The term "affair" always carries a sexual connotation. A slight shift in point of view, however, reveals a broader definition. Any betrayal betrayal of the marriage can be called an affair. There are many ways for spouses to fall away from each other. Any significant investment of one's self elsewhere, elsewhere, any giving of one's self to someone of something other than one's spouse, can drain the vitality from the marriage. Sexual infidelity usually carries with it a special sense of resentment and bitterness, bitterness, as the ultimate betrayal. betrayal. Nonsexual affairs, however, are also powerful. Perhaps the most common are those with alcohol and those with work. The terms "alcoholism" and "workaholism" refer not only to severely disabling ACCOUNTANCY WILLIAM C. HALL B. Comm. Chartered Accountant 35 King St. W., Newcastle Telephone 987-4240 SUTHERLAND, HOBB and PARTNERS Peter A. Hobb, C.A. Wilmar J. Bakker, C.A. Chartered Accountants 118 King St. E. Bowmanville 623-9461 N. L. WOODHOUSE & Assoc. Certified General Accountant NewViews and bedford Installations and Support 8 Holgate Gres., Bowmanville 623-9650 DOUGLAS R. FREEMAN B.A., C.A. • Chartered Accountant 511 Bond St. W„ (Bond St. at Stevenson Rd.) Oshawa, Ontario LU 2M2 Phone 576-4619 HOME SERVICE BARINA HOME CHECK "FF* - Vacation Home Checking - Wedding Day Gift Sitting Barb Shetler -- Ina Cox Newtonville 786-2996 BONDED LAND SURVEYORS HORTON, WALLACE & DAVIES LIMITED 68 King St. E., Bowmanville 623-2205 LEGAL SERVICES MERVYN KELLY LAW OFFICE 41 Temperance St„ Suite 202 Bowmanville, Ontario Phone 623-4444 SERVICES Grundy's Country Upholstery Studio CUSTOM UPHOLSTERY, FREE ESTIMATES PHONE 983-9874 "HELPING ^ HAND" m Home Maintenance Spring and Summer Clean Up Wallpapering, painting and housecleaning NO JOBS TOO BIG OR TOO SMALL 20% off for Senior Citizens Phone Perry or Lori at 623-7984 MASSAGE THERAPY MASSAGE TREATMENTS By Kim Tougas, H.B.Sc. Registered Massage Therapist Manual Lymph Drainage Therapist 168 Church St., Bowmanville Clinic for Natural Health 623-8170 for appointment Directory ALTERNATIVE HEALTHCARE Bragg Health Services Anna Bragg, R.N. Cert. Ref. Nurse Consultant Stress Management Alternative Health Care "Reflexology" R.R. 4, Bowmanville, Ontario L1C3K5 Phone 623-9198 By appointment Bowmanville I Family Chiropractic Centre Renée Bos Cert. Reflexologist Iridologist Member of the Refl. Assoc, of Canada 43 Ontario Street, Bowmanville Phone 623-8388 "REFLEXOLOGY" Foot Reflection By Shirley Cole R.N.A., Cert. Ref. Member of Reflexology Association of Canada 2 Frederick Ave., Bowmanville Phone 623-4690 for appointment More than Just atrea* Management "VIRGINIA LYLE" "ENERGY WORK II" Private Sessions Group Seminars (416) 623-9251 NEWCASTLE HOME CARE OXYGEN CENTRE 24 Hour Service MM Phone "(416) 436-0985 We put the meaning back Into the word 'care'. CHIROPRACTIC Bowmanville Chiropractic Naturopathic Clinic John W. Hawrylak, D.C., N.D. Doctor of Chiropractic and Naturopathy 168 Church St., Bowmanville (416) 623-4004 Spinal And Nerve Care Nutrition Hair Mineral And Vitamin Analysis Acupuncture Food Intolerance Testlm DR. LAURENCE A. GREY D.C., N.D. Chiropractic, Naturopathic and Homeopathic Clinic 243 King St. E. Oshawa, Ont. L1H 1C5 725-7000 COMPUTER SERVICES ANDY'S Custom Designed Software to solve YOUR problems, SPECIALIZING IN INTEGRATED ACCOUNTING APPLICATIONS Inventory Control -SalesTracking ■ Receivables • Payables ■ General Ledger Complets after Seles Seme and Instruction Computer Sales, Services, Maintenance and Suppllea Amortization Schedules 623-2375 conditions. They're also names for the way many spouses treat each other. Here's one way in which infidelities develop. As mother's pregnancy with the firstborn progresses, she becomes becomes more and more involved involved with her child. She and the child become one, while the father, no matter how much involved, becomes more distant. Following the birth, the mother-child relationship deepens, the mother as the principal nurturer. Dad, feeling somewhat rejected by his partner who is now more mother than wife, is even more peripheral. At this point, as he turns elsewhere elsewhere for love and gratification, gratification, he's at risk of overinvesting overinvesting in his work, his golf game or his secretary. Most men lack the maturity maturity to wait on the sidelines for the mother-child symbiosis symbiosis to loosen, so that they can more fully re-enter the family. It's hard to stay focused focused on the family when you feel out of it, as many men do. If, then, another pregnancy pregnancy begins and Mom is even less wife and more mother, Dad's extramarital affairs become more well established. established. His work, his career, making money, his outside friendships, and so on-all become more absorbing, as virtually all his love and gratification come from outside outside the marriage. In this common scenario, spouses are often overwhelmed, overwhelmed, as they struggle to change from a couple into a family. In the marriage, each feels alone and unsupported. unsupported. They drift farther farther apart. Mom feeling locked in with the children, Dad feeling locked out, in orbit orbit separate from the family. Unless they successfully find their way back to each other, while also successfully successfully incorporating the children, children, their marriage is in jeopardy. Their habits and attitudes, formed while drifting apart, become rigid and hard to change. They either grow together together or they grow apart. There's no neutral course. Marriages can't be put on the shelf. They die there. There are many variations variations on this theme. One is this. Once the children are "older", Mom herself may look outside the marriage for the love and gratification that she's not been getting inside it. Job, career, alcohol or an affair with another man may further weaken and endanger the marriage. In affairs of all kinds, spouses' commitments become become less to each other as the fibres of trust and love become frayed. Hearts break, emotional damage becomes becomes both acute and chronic chronic and the drift toward sep- Cancer can be beaten. Please give generously. CAHAfiUW I WKtflf CANCle rll CANVM»#4 VXilY J' UUCAMUR "j Wë Pay your Ir on Windshield Replacements . FREE MOBILE OR PICK UP SERVICE I FOR CUSTOMER CONVENIENCE I : X \ FOR 24 HOUR SERVICE v JUST CALL ANYTIME « "Locally owned and operated" * by Glen Morris 157 Baseline Rd. E., Unit 2 Bowmanville t aration can't be stopped. Sexual affairs, no matter how common they've become, become, aren't culturally a proved, at least not yet. Otl er affairs, such as those with work and alcohol, which can be just as destructive as well as diverting, are both common common and culturally sanctioned. sanctioned. Lloyd Scott is a Marriage and Family Counsellor in private practice in the Orono Medical Centre and in Oshawa. He welcomes letters from readers. Please write to him in confidence c/o Canadian Canadian Statesman, 62 King St. W., Bowmanville, Ont. L1C 3K9. He will answer your letter letter personally. Auxiliary to Hospital has Great Year The Memorial hospital auxiliary has had a successful successful year, said spokesperson, Mrs. J. Appleton. Ten monthly meetings, three luncheons and three executive board meetings were held. Mrs. Appleton also noted that the opening of a new gift shop has given the auxiliary auxiliary the opportunity to display display articles hand made by members of the auxiliary. With funds raised throughout the year, the auxiliary was able to purchase purchase a patio set and chairs for the hospital's verandah, a Hoyer patient lift and CPR equipment. The auxiliary also increased increased the number of bursaries bursaries given to local high school students who are continuing continuing their education in the health caré field. Grade Eight Students Graduate from Knox Christian School Grade eight students at Knox Christian School graduated with a dinner and ceremony on Tuesday, June 25. The graduating class is.shown above. In the back row (from left to right) are: Mrs. Schievink (vice- principal), Remy Louvens, Rodney Brink, Mike Vivi- THE low pn ce • the W 6 Si selection . • LAY'S POTATO CHIPS Mdgles, O'Gradys or Jocks Snacks 160- 190 9 NEW! IGA an, Jason Bubar, Kevin Groeneveld, Martin Van Dosterom, Donald Jaspers-Fayer, Mr. Helmus (principal). (principal). In the front row are: (from left), Rachel Mosey. Janelle Zwier, Sonya Louws, Miriam Wessels, Anita Schievink and Antje Paul. THE W^T service THE n?? 1 SAVINGS . • • ÏGÂ WHITE DREAD CASE OF 24 x 000 mL GLASS DTLS. REDPATH SUGAR FINE, GRANULATED 2 kg bag PAY REGULAR PRICE WITHOUT COUPON FACELLE PRONTO PAPER TOWELS WHITE OR ALMOND 2 ROLL PKG. CLOVER LEAF CHUNK LIGHT TUNA IN WATER OR IN OIL 6.5-OZ. TIN DONUS PACK CHIPS AHOY! PEPSI OR 7UP SELECTED VARIETIES, REGULAR OR DIET mL 4o« ma en. 100 mL CASE OF 12 x 3 x 355 mL TINS UNIT COST 8.24 MA 100 ml BLADE STEAKS Cut From Canada Grade A Beef, MARINATE AND /55\ TOWN CLUB WIENERS FRESH! BONELESS CHICKEN BREASTS Skinless Portion PEPPERONI PIZZA Storemode 12", Regular or Wholewheat 700 g Éââ 199 mil BLACK FOREST HAM Bittner's PRODUCE BANANAS From The Tropics .64 kg APPLE DUMPLINGS MUSHROOMS Product of Canada or U.S.A. SEEDLESS ORANGES Product of Swaziland .... . - ^ Goldland Dranc 2.16 kg H LOOK FOR IWS SYMBOL foods to mrmufam bol hi A# Mt Ay on ftdotf mcM Mwm I PRICES IN EFFECT FROM MONDAY, JULY 1 UNTIL CLOSING SATURDAY, JULY 6,1991. WE RESERVE THE RIGHT TO LIMIT QUANTITIES. . _ _j CREDIT FOR • YOUR H ft EACH DAG I WASTE ssr° REDUCE "yaeuung 4b À CREDIT FOR I H ft EACH DAG ■ ■ J ~ RE-USED. ■ GRAHAM'S IGA MARKET 225 King St. W., Bowmanville, Ontario STORE HOURS Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday - 8 a.m. to 9 p.m. Thursday and Friday - b a.m. to 10 p.m. Saturday - 8 a.m. to 6 p.m. 5% Senior Cljkens' Discount - Wednesday Only