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2 The Canadian Statesman, Bowmanvillc, Wednesday, December 11,1991 Section Two fil ma / :x no 1,1 i jf.U 1,1'UVW^)) I lit ! if ( .i i 1 i / Vv V Vy l :„/ r-jf-.-jf/a v'U'^ Former Publishers Rev. W. R. Climie, 1854-1878 • M.A. James, 1878-1935 • George W. James, 1935-1957 Produced weekly by James Publishing Company Limited For 137 Years, Our First Concern Has Been Our Community Publisher - John M. James Assoc. Publisher - Richard A. James Plant Manager - Donald J. Bishop Ad. Manager - Brian G. Purdy Editor - Peter Parrott Production Rick Patterson, Julie Cashin-Oster, Laurens Kaldeway, Doug Lugtenbuig, Sharon McMullen, Barb Patterson, Sean Pickard, Ralph Rozema, Jim Snoek, Vance Sutherland, Jim Tuuramo Advertising Laveme Morrison, Pat Patterson-Savage Editorial Brad Kelly, Lorraine Manfredo, Laura J. Richards Office Angela Luscher, Junia Carnegie, Grace McGregor, Nancy Pleasance, Marilyn Rutherford, Barb Schouten P.O. Box 190,62 King St. W., Bowmanvillc, Ontario, L1C 3K9 416-623-3303 Fax 416-623-6161 Tombstone Tax Solves Non-existent Problem Death and taxes arc said to be .the only two certainties in life. So it was only a matter of time before the tax man caught up with the tombstone industry and slapped a surcharge on the cost of cemetery monuments. In short, it will'cost consumers an extra $50 to $200 to have a monument installed in 1992, thanks to the latest tax grab by the folks at Queen's Park. A news release by the Ontario Monument Builders' Association explains the situation. The monument builders note that the surcharge is designed to establish a Marker and lylonument Care Fund which is supposed to pay for the restoration of "unsafe tombstones." Folks, we swear that we are not making this up. Believe it or not, the Queen's Park bureaucrats are truly concerned about the safety of tombstones. In fact, no doubt they stay up nights worrying about them. Yep. It's not enough that the economy is on the downward side of the ski jump or that unemployment is rising. It's not enough that our schools and hospitals are lacking the funds they need to keep people healthy or educated. It's not enough that municipalities don't have the dollars to keep the potholes at bay. It's not enough that crime is on the increase or that women are being battered or that Quebec may separate. And now we learn that our tombstones are unsafe. Can the public face such a fearful prospect? We are not quite certain in what sense a tombstone can be unsafe. We suppose that it can be attacked at midnight by vandals. But, since it is made of rock, it cannot exactly be in mortal danger. Perhaps the powers-that-be are of the opinion that tombstones are some kind of safety threat to the general public. How they endanger life and limb is not exactly spelled out. Do they explode? Do they roll into traffic and cause mayhem on the highways? And, come to think of it, when was the last time you actually heard of somebody getting injured by a tombstone? We haven't seen any such report. And yet, cemeteries are full of dead people. So there's obviously some danger posed by those unsafe tombstones. And, it must be a serious problem, because the government is inventing a special tax to cope with it. In all seriousness, we.suspect that the authorities are really saying that high tombstones could be unsafe if fragments of stone fell onto somebody. To this, all we can say is that in the general scheme of things, such a risk is minimal. Most monuments are low enough that if any rock fragments fell off, they'd do nothing more than bruise a shin or stub a toe. Besides, how many times do you see people wandering through cemeteries? Not often. The only real threat from unsafe tombstones would be for those "in repose." And, since they are already deceased, it's hard to imagine what further injury could befall them. In short, the tombstone surcharge is a tax we don't need in order to solve a problem that doesn't exist. x . i The government plans to set up a Marker Monument Care Fund to oversee the process of paying for the aforementioned unsafe tombstones. Knowing government as well as we do, we imagine that this fund will only partially eliminate the grave risk posed by the aforementioned tombstones. This fhnd will - if it follows the process of many government agencies - eventually develop into its own bureaucratic department with a new building on Bay St. with an assistant deputy minister, administrative- assistants, analysts, public relations staff, accountants, lawyers, and all the other government staff which are required to protect the public from the perils of unsafe tombstones. And, in the meantime, the consumer will be forced to pay between $50 and $200 on new monuments. And you thought it was only the cost of living that was going up. But, there is a way around this regulation. The consumer will only stand so much. Rather than die and have their estate incur yet another tax, we're predicting that many consumers will vow to stay alive, at least until they can bury the provincial government in the next election. 462 Bellamy Road RR#8, Newcastle On LIB 1L9 Dear Editor and Readers, Having watched for the last fifteen days, over two hundred and fifty trucks arrive at the farm next door to ours, I feel I must write to your paper. Most of these Ministry of the Environment trucks are carrying carrying five thousand gallons of sludge from a sewage treatment treatment plant. At the roadside their contents are released into a huge trough. Then it is pumped through pipes across the tield to a tractor that has an applicator that injects the material material into the ground about ten inches below the surface. A conservative estimate would be that one and a half million gallons have been applied applied to about one hundred and twenty acres. I believe this is a criminal, poisonous overload of our farmland. The water table must surely be affected. The human sewage product is not my main concern, nonetheless a concern. concern. What about gas, oil, metals, metals, chemicals, paint, etcetra "It's a .WHAT?" "A little girl, G-I-R-L," said Dr. Van Hoof. "No, no, no, you must be mistaken. I'm a James and our family doesn't have G-I-R-L-S," we replied. "Well, you can ask for a second opinion, but I'm confident that my diagnosis is correct," he said jokingly. "Oh boy...it is a girl!" With those words, we welcomed Morgan Noelle James to the Statesman family. We just assumed that we would have a boy since that's all that our family tree has to offer, except for niece Susanne, born 24 years' ago to brother, John. We figured that Sussy's arrival would have taken care of things like Law of Averages, Murphy's Law, and flukes like that. After accepting the fact that we had beaten the odds, our focus quickly changed, Two arms, two legs, ten fingers, ten toes. Big blue eyes, a cute little nose, and a head full of long, dark hair. Huge feet, tiny fingernails, and a set of lungs that could shatter glass. She's perfect...just like her Dad! She was taken to an inspection table to be kept warm under a heating element. Dad followed and burned his hair on the heater. Leaning down, we got face to face and said hello to the most innocent innocent looking thing you could imagine. "Hi, I'm you're Daddy." She opened those big, blue eyes, stuck out her little tongue and spit up in our face. Ah yes, respect respect for Dad was established. This child may be a candidate for the movib, "Problem Child, Sequel Sequel Number 27." We turned around to check on how Mother Kim was doing. She was locked in an embrace with long time friend and head of maternity, Judith Judith Ann Sparrow. Nobody was more proud of that child than Judith. Ann. Morgan is like a grand-daughter to her and she would not have missed that birth for anything. The care all three of us received at Bowman- ville's Maternity Ward was exceptional. Roberta, Grace, Lois, Angela, Donna, Hazel, Chris, Irene and a host of others were incredibly thoughtful and caring. Dr. Ron Van Hoof was fantastic, using using an attitude that eliminated any fear or panic for both Mom and Dad. That was Thursday night at 6:00 p.m. On Friday Friday morning at 4:48 it finally hit home that we had a baby. In the blurry days that followed we have missed several office appointments and at least a couple of personal ones. We even forgot that we were supposed to pick out a new set of golf clubs for Christmas. Now it's Sunday morning at 6:00 and our new family will be coming home today. The house has been cleaned and everything has been readied in the nursery. Maverick has had a bath and his teeth have been brushed to meet his new playmate. playmate. Several people have warned us that we will have to get rid of him for fear of a jealous attack. attack. Actually, we are counting on him to be Morgan's Morgan's guardian. We have already warned the little little baby boys at the hospital that our girl is being protected by a German Shepherd. Then again, never mind the dog.. .beware of the owner. We suggest that anyone thinking of investing in the stock market would be wise to buy shares in Kodak. Morgan is only three-days-old and already already several rolls of film have been fired in her direction. It's only natural that she should be around cameras, since we're counting on her to be the first female publisher of the Statesman. All those male chauvinist jokes about "dumb blondes", have finally caught up with us. One giant payback for being critical of women's issues, issues, pay equity, and ladies on the golf course. Actually, this is one payback we like very much. Oh boy...it's a girl!" The Canadian Statesman Complete coverage of all your Community events. SPORTS • LOCAL NEWS • PHOTOS • EDITORIALS. FEATURES • COMMUNITY CORRESPONDENTS • COMPREHENSIVE CLASSIFIED and REAL ESTATE SECTION "The Statesman - It's Your Commitnity Neiespaper" that individuals, factories, and businesses may put into the sewer. Are these materials removed? removed? NO! Innumerable calls to ministries ministries of agriculture, health, and environment have elicited little response. Mayors, councillors, parliamentary members and others have been called in the last ten days. Have we had any real help? NO! My family runs a dairy - farm. We are doing everything possible to eliminate pollution. We halve our spray materials, use green manure for partial replacement replacement of chemical fertilizers, fertilizers, molasses instead of oil for stable cleaner lubrication, no chlorine - only peroxide, very limited iodine -- preferring Shaklee Basic H and G. We also use tillage for weed control. control. In our home we use no phosphates, aerosals, chlorine, fabric softeners, and no cleaners cleaners other than Basic H, washing washing soda, baking soda, vinegar and peroxide. We recycle everything possible. All personal efforts in several several years have been undone by these three weeks by ten fold. I hope everyone will keep their eyes open to these excesses. excesses. Roadblocks and civil disobedience disobedience may be the only way to STOP such horrific environmental environmental invasion and destruc-- tion. Yours sincerely, Dorothy J. Imlach Do you ever have moments moments when you have been so totally ticked off that you feel like bellowing your discontent discontent at someone or something? something? For some of us at The Statesman, it is when we find a parking ticket on our cars while town employees get to park free. Others are enraged by answering the telephone after midnight only to find out that someone is doing some mighty heavy breathing on the other end. Other pet peeves happen to be icy roads, an icy parking parking lot and, for some people, it's not being able to spend time with their loved ones when they want to. A quick poll around the newspaper office on Thursday Thursday found that many people get peeved over the simplest things. For example, the cost to renew vehicle plate stickers •and driver's licence. Or how about the "blankety-blank" "blankety-blank" plastic bags located near the fruits and vegetables at your local supermarket? Try getting them off the roll and then try finding your way into them. Another supermarket peeve: Getting into the express express (eight to 10 items) lane with two or three items and noticing the person in front of you has most definitely gone over the limit with an entire basketload. Then there are solicitors, whether they be the ones who call on the telephone at dinner dinner time, or the ones from various organized religions, who keep pestering you at home. Or how about the computerized computerized telephone solicitors who don't hang up when your answering machine picks up a call? There goes the 30 minute tape! In these days of the Christmas Christmas shopping, locating a parking space at a decent location location that is not too far from the stores you want to visit ranks as another peeve. Malls are good places for watching frustrated drivers playing chicken for a prime spot. One of my personal peeves is buying pencils in a package that says the product uses 10 per cent less wood than conventional pencils, has a lacquer-free finish, is equipped with a natural rubber rubber eraser and is made from 100 per cent sustained-yield wood. However, the package is plastic. Looks like it's time to write another letter to a manufacturer about excessive and non-environmcntally conscious packaging. Of course, there are always always going to be the "snotty clerks" or the ones that never wait on you or the ones that constantly hover around you. Here are a few other things that really tick me off: snowmobilers who run their machines over cross country ski trails; relationships, including including friendships, that sour after putting a lot of effort into them; windshield wipers that don't work during a storm; and my car from Hell. Also, when hitch-hikers make obscene gestures when I pass them by on the highway, highway, I get annoyed. But the list is not yet complete. complete. It includes: An icy driveway. Giving a party and finding that no one shows up because they "forgot." Pens that run out of ink during an interview, flash pack batteries dying while out on an assignment, camera shutters jamming, and children children who act up while I'm taking a photo. There is one employee here who feels that the government government holidays, should be ( the same as ours -- or was that the other way around? And no journalist has ever been without wondering about this one: That's when the editor says, "Are you sure about this quote?" And you really were, up to that moment. moment. Lastly, there's the big one: People who complain about Christmas shopping because they have left it until now. A word of advice to them: Try shopping earlier when there is better selection and better prices! More Postal Rate Blues Dear John: Recently I have been receiving receiving notices from you that it is time once again, to renew my subscription to the Canadian Canadian Statesman. I see that I fall into Category 5 which would cost me $50.29. I realize that this price increase is due to the narrow-minded policies of Canada Post. My letter of protest to my Member of Parliament Parliament didn't appear to help at all. When will our government start listening to the People? Unfortunately for all of us, 1 will not be renewing my subscription subscription to your fine paper. At the same time, I am puzzled as to who gains by these ridiculous ridiculous policies of Canada Post. You, as publisher, will lose the subscription price of $19. Canada Canada Post, in its wisdom, will miss out on their $28 delivery charge. The GST will suffer a shortfall of $3.29 and, of course, I will miss the pleasure of reading The Statesman every every week, something I have en joyed for many years. So, who is the winner? The answer is simple - everybody loses! I will continue to buy the Statesman on the news stand when I am in The Town of Bowmanvillc during the summer summer months. In the meantime I wish you continued success with your paper and best wishes wishes to you and your staff for the holiday season. Sincerely, Bert Hutchinson 0 m A j. v/A/rp C? YtC eat Should Canada have an elected Senate? Paul Atwood Peterborough Definitely - the Senate should be more useful. It should have some power but not as much as the House of Commons. Jennifer Laing Bowmanville Yes. The government isn't accountable to us now. If we changed to an elected Senate it would be. Nora Taylor Bowmanville I think so. We can choose who we want instead of the government government choosing. It is time the people had a say in what is going on. Bob Gill Bowmanville No. They're taking too long to do things as it is. I wouldn't want to see any more bureaucrats doubling the amount of time. Next week's question: What do you want Santa to bring you? a M