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i The Canadian Statesman, Bowmanville, Wednesday, April 1,1992 11 By Brad Kelly There's No April Fool's Gag Here By the time you sit down to read this, you'll likely have had your fill of little pranks in celebration of April Fool's Day. All of them had good intentions. Most were likely anything but funny. It's imperative on April 1 to write something that will keep with the tradition of the day. But, lacking a Walt Disney-like imagination, it's best to stick to reality. Instead of trying to come up with some outlandish, funny gag that turns out to be anything but, the thought here is to write about some of the more foolish items in sports. There are plenty. Trust me. Name Changes Race track officials at Louisiana Downs ordered owner Jack Johnson to change the name of the 2-year-old gelding that he had entered in a race at the track. Officials felt that track announcers announcers would make an embarrassing mistake during the call of the race when referring to Johnson's horse, which was named Mortar Forker. Johnson obliged, changing the name to Fun Tonight. Television Is there anything worse than sitting through back-to-back weeks of men's and women's curling on TSN? Live coverage of five pin bowling comes to mind. The two rank up there with watching ice fishing...Knowing that WWF wrestling is fake, but still contemplating whether to order Wrestlemania on'Pay Per View and fork over $29.95...How many have said to their wife or girlfriend during the NCAA, basketball tournament that they would be ready to go shortly, there was just a couple of minutes left in the game? They don't seem to understand that a couple of minutes in a basketball game could take anywhere anywhere from two to ten to play. Just Plain Foolish Payne Stewart's wardrobe. My sisters wore knickers in their pre-teen years. Guys didn't wear knickers. At least none that I hung around...Playing the national anthems before a game. The anthems were added to sporting events to recognize soldiers soldiers during World War II. The war has been over for 40 years. Names The Blue Jays at one time had Wills, Wells and Ward on their pitching staff. Who else had trouble trying to explain to their wife or girlfriend which one of the three were in the game?...My mom used to get a real kick out of A1 Iafrate's name. (To her, it sounded like "I afraid he.") What fun she would have if she heard the names Darren Puppa (pooh-pa) and Larry Sheets...From the NCAA, how about the Campbell Fighting Camels for a nickname?...Still with the NCAA, what the heck is a Tar Heel (North Carolina) and a Iioya (Georgetown)? (Georgetown)? And, for that matter, one of the all-time Bowmanville favourites, WHAT THE HECK'S A MOJACK????? Youth Bowling | Newcastle Wins Hockin Tourney Sports Shop Novices Win March "A" Championship L Bowmanville Sports Shop novices ;of the BRHL travelled to Orangeville during the March break where they captured the 'A' championship, their third 'A' victory in four tournament starts. ;, Their first game was played against die eventual 'B' champs and really showed the strength of the Sports Shop crew as they rolled over Sunshine Pools of Orangeville by a score of 9-0. ; Sports Shop played their second .game against a much tougher team from Guelph and soon put them under -with consistent, pressure from their fast-skating offence and hard-working defence by a score of 7-2. This win pul iSports Shop into the semi-final the following following day against a well-oiled team from Kitchener. fi . This league leading team from Kitchener was the first to draw blood 'in the semi-final only 4:30 into the •game, but they loo soon crumbled ttn- 'der Sports Shops great offensive pressure pressure and fore-checking by a score of 7- :i. The final game was played that night at 7:00 p.m. against another Orangeville team. Our boys showed great discipline by not retaliating to a lot of uncalled slickwork and used their sticks for their intended purpose scoring 12 unanswered goals. On the score sheet during this tournament tournament were: Tyler Teefy (two shutouts shutouts and one assist); Steven King (2a); Chris Laton (9g, 3a); Matt Crawford (2a); Mike MacDonald (la); Brandon Buckley (lg, 3a); Rob Milford (10g, 2a); Mark Tamblyn (2a); Jordan Bate (3a); Mike Sellers (3g, 2a); Clint Krummcnachcr (2g, 4a); Tim Swan (1 lg. 4a). The coaches and parents of this team were extremely proud of the way every one back-ckecked during this tournament and especially the great defensive defensive work of Malt Crawford, Jordan Bate, Brandon Buckley, Chris baton and Tyler Teel'y. Y ou kept them off the scoreboard! Junior Division A -- Hook 60, Foul 51, Channel 49, Corner Pin 45, Lost Ball 40, Frame 26 Junior Division B -- Pacer 68, Dcadwood 63, Aces 60, Slide 55, Chop-off 54, Pushaway 53, Backup 46, Curve 46, Backswing 45, Split 27, Hcadpin 17, Missed Shot 13 High Singles -- Jason Vickery 270, Martin Routh 267, 210, 202, David Allin Allin 253, Mike Campbell 299, Shawn Haley 232, Ryan Preston 231, Chris Pcldiak 226, John Carpenter 225, Tanya Tanya Colwell 224, 217, Amanda West- lake 216, Scan Harding 214, 213, Jeff Pearson 208, 260 High Triples -- Martin Routh 679, Jason Vickery 644, Scan Harding 617, Tanya Colwell 602, Amanda Westlake 557,.Shawn Haley 542, Jeff Pearson 534, Chris Pcldiak 517, Mark Dodds 512, David Coffin 503 Junior Family Twosome Results -- On Sunday, March 28 at Liberty Bowl there were 23 teams of Youth Bowlers and their parents teamed up for the annual annual Ontario Family Twosome. Third place went to Chris Bowers and Roger Thcrricn with a 927 total. Second place went to Chrislal and Gary Reid with 948. First place, and advancing to the Zone Finals on Sunday, April 26, at Bowlaway Lancs in Lindsay were Jeff Pearson and father, John Pearson, with a nice 1029 total. Good luck in the next round! Bantam Division -- Simpsons 65, Coke-a-Cola-Kids 63, Sharp Shooters 61, Blue Bombers 57, Tremors 56, No -Name 48, Scorpions 47, Terminators 40, Strikers 32, Fire Ball 31, Phantoms 29, rollers 13 High Triples -- Melinda Tail 525, Matthew Chapman 500, Lori James and Tim Welsh 487, Greg Hockslra 410, Erin Stephen 406 High Singles -- Melinda Tait 218, 169, Matthew Chapman 201, 177, Lori James 199, 153, Tim Welsh 167, 161, 159, Greg Hockslra 161, 148, Kristen Wood 157, 143, Karen Outram 157, Erin Stephen 155, Lee Mallor 154 Senior Division -- Brown 59, Haley 54, Young 48, Butler 47, Condor 44, Big Canoe 21 High Triples r - Chcri Richards 722, Stephen Brown 663, Ron Conder 632, Tammy Haley 620 High Singles -- Chcri Richards 260, 233, 229, Todd Langley 250, Rob Condor 246, Tammy Haley 259, Shawn Pappas 249, Kascy Butler 224 Senior Family Twosome Results -- On Sunday, March 29, there were seven teams bowling for the Ontario Family Twosome House Round and in third place were Andrew Break and father, father, Harold, with 951. In second place were Kascy Butler and father, Ron, with 968. In .first place and advancing to the Zone round on Sunday, April 26, at Bowlaway Lancs in Lindsay are Tammy Haley and mother, Linda, who bowled a nice 1137 total. Good luck in the next round! Tyke Division Family Twosome - Instead of our regular league bowling on Saturday, the tykes brought mom or dad, aunt or uncle along to the lanes for their Ontario Family Twosome Tournament. There were 24 teams bowling and third place went to Joshua and Randy McDougall with 838. Scc : ond place went to Todd Flintoff and cx-YBC bowler, Deanna Wright with a total of 851. First place went to Joe Dawson and his father, Lome. Joey and Lome will bowl at Bowlaway Lancs in Lindsay on Sunday, April 26, for Zone finals. The Newcastle Sometimcrs won the 'B' championship in the Ken Hockin Oldiimers' Tournament on Saturday, March 28. Newcastle's first game was against McIntosh. Grant Flintoff scored at 7:05 assisted by Dave Roole. McIntosh came to tic it at 8:24 on a goal by Dave Hurley. Grant Flintoff scored his second second at 10:19 assisted by Dave Rootc, which proved to be the winner. Sandy McDonald scored an insurance goal with 42 seconds left in the period, as sisted by Ron Clemens and Hugh German. German. Newcastle went up against an old rival in their second game and came out on the short end of a 6-0 score. Keith West, Gerry Garnett, Steve West, Gerry Eamcs Jim Rickard and W. Barry had Orono's goals. Newcastle went against Woodville for the 'B' championship and came out with a 3-1 victory. Newcastle went ahead 1-0 on a goal by Dave Rootc assisted by Sandy MacDonald and Grant Flintoff. Flintoff. Woodville tied it up at 8:15 of the first. Bob Sheridan scored at 9:35 assisted by R. Clemens and Rick Ra- demacher on what proved to be the winner to give Newcastle a 2-1 lead. Dave Rootc scored his second at 13:03 assisted by Grant Flintoff and Hugh German to give Newcastle a 3- 1 lead after the first. 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