The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

14 The Independent, Canadian Statesman Weekender, Bowmanville, Saturday, March 12,1994 Handling It... By Lloyd Scott Business Group Meets Monthly For many couples, the trouble starts when they take their traditional marriage vows, creating the lasting impression that they are (or are supposed supposed to be) "one," until death. Whomsoever God has "joined" in holy wedlock, "let no man put asunder," asunder," - in effect, an ecclesiastical ban on marriage separation. This prohibition has ironically become become one of the reasons that so many couples are unable to talk honestly and frankly about what may be wrong in their marriages. Such frank talk, which in some cases could conceivably conceivably lead to separation, is to some degree defying the ban. And yet, on the other hand, honest talk between between spouses is an important part of the process of saving their marriages. Is there any way to guarantee that individual commitment will endure the hardships of modem marriage? Probably not. Only the individual can determine that for himself or herself. Yet, a guaranteed commitment for life is what many individuals seem to insist on from their prospective partners. partners. We've even invented a new diagnostic diagnostic term to apply to those who are deemed incapable of making that commitment - "commitment phobia." Since half of all marriages,-many of them begun with serious vows and promises, are put asunder by man- woman-made divorce, neither, promises promises nor prohibitions have succeeded in providing assurance of marital longevity. longevity. One-time vows apparently exert exert little positive influence in binding couples to their commitment. The solemn promisè inevitably falls out of sine, from time to time, with what the individual heart feels. At such times, which are common in long-term marriages, the renewing of one's commitment must occur in the only place that counts - in the heart. High divorce rates suggest a couple of other truths about marriage. Marriage commitments tend to weaken weaken but they can also recover and grow strong again. They ebb and flow, so to speak. Emotional contracts contracts are renewable. Trust can be rebuilt rebuilt following even the worst marital upheaval, such as an extramarital affair. affair. Commitment in most successful marriages is best described as ongoing, ongoing, unspoken, almost on a day-to- day basis. Leaving it hanging on some promise made'long ago in quite Police Need possibly romantic wedding vows, and taking it for granted that it will therefore therefore survive the inevitable troubles that come along with married life, is rather dangerous wishful thinking. On the subject of oneness in marriage, marriage, Kalil Gibran, in The Prophet (required in-reading 20 years ago) advises advises married couples: "...let there be spaces in your togetherness... togetherness... Love one another but make not a bond of love. Give your hearts but not into other's other's keeping. ...stand together yet not too near together. For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow." For happy "togetherness" in mar-, riage, couples should avoid striving for "oneness." The best marriages are made by emotionally independent spouses. So are the best divorces. Lloyd Scott is a marriage and family counsellor in private practice in Oshawaand in the Orono Medical Centre. He welcomes letters from readers. Write him in confidence at this newspaper, The Canadian Statesman, Statesman, P.O. Box 190, Bowmanville, Ontario L1C 3K9. The Clarington Business Group is a group dedicated to promoting local business. The monthly breakfast meetings are informal and are used to encourage networking and sharing of ideas amongst businesses and entrepreneurs entrepreneurs in the area. Meetings are held at 7:30 a.m. on the third Tuesday Tuesday of every month. The next meeting will be held on Tuesday, March 15, from 7:30 a.m. to 9:00 a.m. at the Flying Dutchman Hotel in Bowmanville. > The speaker this month- is Mr. Cecil Macintosh. Mr Macintosh is a personal success coach and should provide the group with a very interesting interesting talk. For further information or to reserve, please call Bonnie Cunningham, Cunningham, at 623-0677. Alison Priestley R.N. Relaxation Therapy fw w t Home Visits by Appointment (905)983-9607 179 Church St, Orono, ONT. L0B1M0 fis the weather warms, people start to decorate. We're more then ready for you, with new spring arrivais, every day good values and lots of specials too! Mo$kA Paints Moorcraft Latex Eggshell Finish ideal tSMsNinan" 1 h WHfTI Ml*' ,* Siaminyjixxe#^ Most colours List Price $30.60 Moorcraft Latex Semi Gloss paints Ideal Latex Primer Sealer List Price $32.70 Our reg. $15.95 IT'S NOT EXPENSIVE IT'S IDEAL! Public's Help Crime Stoppers and the Durham Regional Police are asking for the Public's help in solving a rash of stolen stolen snow machines. Since November of last year there has been eighty-three snowmobiles stolen across Durham Region. Fifty- seven of the machines have not been recovered and Police need your help in finding them. The northern section of our Region has been hit the hard- est.with the Port Perry area being victimized victimized twenty-six times. Beaverton and Uxbridge follow with six each and Sunderland has had four machines machines taken. Victims have had their trailers tak-' cn from their driveways, machines have been dragged off of nailers and then started up a short distance from the scene and then driven away. Police are asking owners to lock their trailers, snoW machines, and take extra care so additional thefts do not occur. Crime Stoppers is asking anyone with information on these thefts to call, If you know who is stealing these machines or know where they arc being stored call Crime Stoppers. You never have to give your name or have to go to Court. Crime Stoppers will pay up to $1000 for information leading to an arrest in any serious offence. The Crime Stoppers phone num- 436-8477 that's 436-TIPS. GREAT SELECTION (We re helpful HELPFUL STAFF but we won't bug you.) PniUIDCTITIX/P DDIPFQ ( ,nstockfrom $ 4 - 99sin 9 le UUIVIr C 1111V C ■ It I VELO up to 40% off book prices) WHAT ELSE CAN WE SAY? PAINT and WALLPAPER 55 King St W. 623-5431 Bowmanville hoars: Mon. - Thurs. 8 - 6; Fri. 8 - 9; Sat. 8:30 - 5