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The Independent, Canadian Statesman Weekender, Bowmanville, Saturday, April 16,1994 Handling It... By Lloyd Scott According to the late John Holt, well-known educator and author (in Freedom and Beyond and other books), the word discipline has three meanings. A child growing up will meet and learn from each one. The first is the discipline of nature or reality. If a child doesn't pile the blocks evenly on top of one another, his tower will collapse. If he hits the wrong key on the piano, he'll hear the wrong note. If he doesn't hit the nail squarely on the head, it bends and he has to pull it out, straighten it, or start with another. If he closes his eyes when he swings the bat, he won't hit the ball. If he doesn't measure measure properly what he's trying to build, it won't fit, stand up, fly, float, open and close, or do whatever he wants it to do. As Holt puts it, this form of discipline discipline is a great teacher. The learner doesn't have to wait long for the evaluation of his efforts. From what happened - the collapsed tower, the wrong note, the bent nail, the missed ball, tire machine that doesn't work - he can begin to see what he did wrong and can learn what correction he needs to make. The discipline of nature or of reality reality provides a lesson which is impartial. impartial. In each of the above everyday circumstances, the grade is given without fault-finding. There's no blame for missing the ball or piling the blocks crookedly. There's no praise for doing it right either. Doing it right is its own reward. The process of learning through trial and error doesn't, in itself, accumulate accumulate penalties or hold grudges for past mistakes. Each trial is a fresh start. A child meets this kind of discipline discipline every time he tries to do something. something. That's why it's important for children in school to have lots of opportunities opportunities to do things, instead of just listening (or pretending to listen) to a teacher talk. ****** The second form of discipline is imposed by our culture. It's that network network of customs, habits, mles and agreements that binds us together in a community, in a society. Children generally are eager to understand and be part of this network. They watch carefully what people around them do, and want to do the same. For instance, instance, they rarely misbehave seriously seriously in church. They're aware that a mysterious ritual is going on and, in their way, they want to be part of it. Even at concerts, though they may fidget a little or take a nap, little children children rarely make any big disturbance. The grown-up example of sitting still is contagious. Surrounded by adults who behave courteously, children will leam to behave behave courteously. Surrounded by adults who behave discourteously, children will behave that way, regardless regardless of how often they're told that it's wrong. Such is the discipline of culture. ****** The third discipline is the one that most people mean when they use the word discipline. This is the discipline of superior force. "Do what I tell you or I'll make you wish you had." There's bound to be some of this in a child's world, for his own protection. For example, adults can't allow children to leam by trial and error about the dangers of playing in a busy street, or of fooling with the pots and pans on a hot stove, or of eating the pills in a medicine cabinet. So, along with other precautions, we say to a child, "Don't play in the street, don't touch things on the stove, don't go into the medicine cabinet, cabinet, or I'll punish you." A child can't possibly have a clear idea of what it would be like to be hit by a car, or burned by a hot stove, or made sick by medicine. But he can imagine being shouted at or punished in some other way. Therefore, he learns to avoid these punishments until until he can understand the greater dangers dangers and avoid them for their own sake. John Holt argues that adults should use the discipline of superior force only when it's necessary to protect protect the life, health and safety of children children or other living creatures, or to prevent damage to things that people care about. Unfortunately, we adults tend to assume for too long a time that a child can't understand the real nature of the danger from which we want to protect him. Faster than we give credit for, children leam to avoid the danger, not merely to escape escape our punishment, but as a matter of good sense. Holt illustrates this point by describing describing preschool age children in Mexican cities walking and playing unattended on the streets. They've learned very early about the dangers of fast-moving traffic and know what to do to be safe. In contrast, children whose lives are full of the threat and fear of punishment are locked into babyhood. There's no room for them to grow up, to take responsibility for their lives. In our particular culture, we mistakenly mistakenly assume that having to yield to the threat of adults' superior force is good for a child's character. It's not. It's never good for anyone's character. character. Bowing to superior force makes people of all ages feel impotent and cowardly for not having the courage to resist. It also makes them resentful and vengeful, eager to make someone else pay for their humiliation. "Yield to my superior force as I was made to yield to another's." Many adults carry the discipline of superior force to extremes because it gives them power, particularly over children. Here's what it sounds like, stripped of its niceties. "Do whatever you're told to do without questioning or resisting. Do what you're expected to do without having to be told. If you don't, you'll be punished and you'll deserve to be. Take your medicine, medicine, your punishment, whatever people people above you do to you, without re- . sisting. Accept your life without complaining, even if you get very little little of what you want, even if your life Updated Guide Considered Useful for Disabled Drivers Notice of Liquor Licence Application The following establishment has applied to the Liquor Licence Board of Ontario for a liquor licence under the Liquor Licence Act: Application for a Sale Licence Dulee's, Municipality of Clarington 5294 Main Street, Orono Any resident of the municipality may make written submission as to whether the issuance of the licence is in the public interest having regard to the needs and wishes of the residents. Submissions must be received no later than May 13,1994. Please include your name, address and telephone number. Note: The LLBO gives the applicant details of any objections. Submissions to be sent to: Licensing and Permits Branch Liquor Licence Board of Ontario 55 Lake Shore Blvd. E., Toronto ON M5E1A4 Fax: (416) 326-0308 © Ontario hasn't much joy, meaning or satisfaction. satisfaction. That's what life is." Those words express what people mean when they say, "We can't give children freedom because they'll never never leam discipline." In our culture, those who say that the discipline of superior force isn't put into practice enough with children children are wrong. It's put into practice too much. Angry, rebellious kids of all ages today aren't so much a sign of too much permissiveness as they are of, among other things, too much adult control far beyond the age when it's needed for children's protection. protection. As adults, we should use the discipline discipline of superior force as seldom as we can. Lloyd Scott is a marriage and family family counsellor in private practice in Oshawa and in the Orono Medical Centre. He welcomes letters from readers. Write him in confidence at this newspaper, The Canadian Statesman, Statesman, P.O. Box 190, Bowmanville, Ont. L1C 3K9. A newly-updated guide, published by the Ontario Office for Disability Issues and the Ministry of Transportation, Transportation, provides welcome new information information to thousands of Ontario drivers drivers and their passengers. The Guide for Drivers and Passengers Passengers with Disabilities, a revised, bilingual bilingual version of the Guide for Disabled Disabled Drivers in Ontario, is now available. It contains information on: - driver training; - assessment facilities; - specialty equipment suppliers; - the Disabled Person Parking Permit; Permit; - updated addresses and phone numbers; - and a list of car rental locations that have mini-vans available for people people who use mobility devices. A new Municipal Parking Guide for Persons with Disabilities will also be distributed, with contact phone numbers for municipalities'that have parking programs for people with disabilities disabilities and seniors with special needs. Both publications aré available from the Ministry of Citizenship, Of fice for Disability Issues, the Ministry Ministry of Transportation, Passenger Mobility Mobility and Services Office, and the local Driver and Vehicle Licensing Offices and Issuing Agents' Offices. "The freedom to move is life itself, itself, and the privilege of driving helps to improve access," said Elaine Ziemba, Minister of Citizenship with responsibility for Disability Issues. "When people with disabilities can drive to a workplace, they have many more employment opportunities." Ziemba's comments were echoed George Dadamo, Parliamentary Assistant Assistant to the Minister of Transportation, Transportation, who has taken on responsibility for transportation issues relating to people with disabilities and seniors with special needs. For more information, or a copy of the Guides, call or write: Ministry of Citizenship Office for Disability Issues 2nd Floor 700 Bay Street Toronto Ont. M5G 1Z6 Tel: (416) 326-0111 (voicelTDD) 1-800-387-4456 (voicelTDD) DURHAM REGION PUBLIC NOTICE THE REGIONAL MUNICIPALITY OF DURHAM IN THE MATTER OF, THE MUNICIPAL ACT TAKE NOTICE THAT the Council of the Regional Municipality of Durham may pass by-laws authorizing construction of the following projects: Road No. 8 14 26 37 44 52 Road Name 8th Cone. 9th Cone. Reach St. Liberty St. Thickson Rd. Finch Ave. Harwood Ave. Municipality Clarington/Oshawa Pickering Uxbridge Clarington Whitby Pickering Ajax Thornton Rd. Oshawa Location 8th Concession from Oshawa/Clarington Townline to Reg. Rd. 57. Upgrade to acceptable standards. 9th Cone, from lot 30/31 westerly to York/Durham boundary. Upgrade to acceptable standards. Reconstruction to 3-lane urban standard from Main St. to Testa Rd. Liberty Street from Reg. Rd. 4 northerly to Reg. Rd. 20. Upgrade to acceptable standards. Thickson Rd. at Winterberry Dr. and at Dryden Blvd. Operational improvements to intersections. Finch Avenue at Altona Road. Operational improvements to intersections. Harwood Ave. from Hwy. 2 southerly to Mandrake St. Widening to 5-lane standard. Thornton Rd. from Rossland Rd. northerly to Taunton Rd. Reconstruction to 4 - 5 lane standard. Miscellaneous Improvements Road No. Road Name Municipality Location 1 Brock Road Pickering Brock Road at 5th Cone. Intersection improvements. 1 Brock Road Uxbridge Brock Road at 1.7 km north of Reg. Road 11 Culvert replacement. 19 Shirley Road Scugog Shirley Road at Reg. Road 2 Commuter parking lot. Plans showing details of the projects and the lands affected may be seen at the offices of the Durham Works Department, 105 Consumers Dr., Whitby, Ontario, Telephone 668-7721. Dated at Whitby this 30th day of March 1994. T. PREVEDEL, P. ENG. DIRECTOR OF TRANSPORTATION Works Committee, being delegated by Regional Council as the hearing body, shall hear in person or by his or her counsel, solicitor or agent, any person who claims his or her land will be prejudicially affected by the by-laws and who applies on or before April 25, 1994, to the undersigned to be heard at a meeting of the Works Committee on May 3,1994. V.A. Silgailis, P. Eng. Commissioner of Works ©