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12 The Clarington Independent, Bowmanville, Saturday, December 31,1994 Handling It... By Lloyd Scott In some families, things have gotten gotten out of hand so badly, healthy communication between parents and children has broken down so completely, completely, that fighting and arguing are daily occurrences. The following examples -- taken from Ron Taffel's refreshing book, Parenting by Heart or invented by me -- are of bold interventions designed to correct the sometimes upside- down hierarchy in such families. These interventions aren't to be construed construed as new forms of punishment of the kids by their parents. I believe that children are happiest when they perceive their parents as strong and confident in their roles as "executives", in charge of the family. I'm talking here to reasonable parents, parents, not chronically abusive parents, who daily make a mockery of the meaning of " in charge. " Example: Picture a family in which the kids are always rowdy at dinnertime, pushing, shoving, hitting each other, kicking each other under the table, night after night, despite Mom's pleading and arguing with them to stop. Despite her exhaustion from long working days outside the home, Mom continues to believe that meal times are important times for families to be together and so shoe continues to struggle through these unbearable hours, hoping she can somehow, someday unravel all the craziness. Her family counsellor makes the suggestion that she eliminate dinnertimes dinnertimes altogether and simply leave food out for the children who are old enough to prepare it for themselves. Not a punishment at all, this intervention intervention was designed solely to break the ineffective and potentially dangerous cycle of kid's defiance and Mom's pleading, arguing and yelling. After making this unilateral decision, decision, Mom began to feel more in control control of herself and of the kids and the evolving family situation. She felt less trapped. Gradually, the kids' behavior behavior began to improve as the family family stabilized. Example. 13-year-old son confronts confronts Dad's perceived inappropriate spending of scarce family funds on personal pleasures. Son, picking up on Mom's silent, impotent anger at Dad, takes on responsibility that properly belongs to Mom and begins to assume the role of adult in the family. Son and father are soon at war in earnest. This particular upside-down family family hierarchy begins to get rebalanced only when Mom removes son from role as her deputy and begins to build her own self-confidence so that she can talk to Dad as an equal (about fi- Community Invited To Meet Clarington Council and Staff MAYOR'S LEVEE - Everyone is cordially invited to join Mayor Diane Hamre and members of council at the Mayor's Levee. It is on Sunday, January 8, from 12:30 p.m. to 2:30 p.m. in the Council Chambers at 40 Temperance St., Bowmanville. This is your opportunity to enjoy light refreshments and visit with municipal councillors and staff as well as friends and neighbours attending the event. Free Parking HOSPITAL OFFERS FREE PARKING JAN. 1ST - Memorial Hospital Bowmanville will be waiving its usual $2 parking fee for those visiting the hospital on New Year's Day. The hospital's operating rooms will be closed for elective procedures from December 19th. to January 3rd. However, emergencies will still be accommodated and scheduled procedures such as Caesarean sections will take place as usual. nances as well as other matters), no longer needing son to speak in her behalf. Example. Kids steal from parents, big-time. They use parents' clothes without permission, take parents' money, tools, etc. Here's a family out of control, kids in charge and walking walking all over parents. Parents have persuaded, persuaded, cajoled, argued but to no avail. They feel burglarized, invaded. They feel that their children have broken into their home. Once again, the suggestion they're offered is designed to break the cycle of kids' defiance and parents' impotence. impotence. It's not to punish the kids, which would only fuel the fire and continue the war. Mom and Dad decide decide to put locks on all the relevant doors and cupboards and to stop making ineffective speeches and threats. Instead of feeling like prisoners in their own home, the parents: began to experience a new sense of freedom. Locking doors was a logical (not natural, natural, but logical) response to petty thievery. The parents' pleading and arguing hadn't made an impression but the locked doors did. Under their parents' newly-restored confidence, the kids began slowly to take more responsibility. A hemorrhaging, badly hurt, accident accident victim may require immediate, on-the-spot emergency treatment. If that treatment succeeds, there will be time enough to explore the root causes causes of the accident. CORRECTIONS FOR CANADIAN TIRE We wish to draw your attention to the errors In our current "WRAP FT UR FOR A LOT LESS" Flyer Page 17 18-PC Screwdriver Set (99-3517-0) does not include the spark plug tester. • We wish to draw your attention to the error in our current "BOXING WEEK SALE" Flyer Page 4 Soft Foam Phones (69-8067-2) may not be available in all stores. No rainchecks will be issued. We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused. Canadian Tire Hwy. No. 2, Bowmanville 28/29 GOLDEN PPORTUNITY Now is your chance to acquire some genuine values! FINANCING 94's 6 AVAILABLE ,AS LISTED 1994 Chev. Full Size Pick Up (#924) Teal, Auto, Positrac 1994 Chev. Full Size Pick Up (#527) Teal, Auto, Air 1994 Chev Full Size Pick Up 4x4 (#814) Red, Auto, Air 1994 Cavalier - (#424) White, Auto, Air, Spoiler, Cassette 1994 Olds Cutlass (#613) Teal, Leather, C.D. 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