The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

KANE“ Durham. Eb rated d and Emuld naive DEW n to steel 30 no student. I $5 for I8 Bind heir ent ofi‘er rice, rev. non, ion. per ptiCo, yGB hart. brilliant nonery, Cash A 8!” SALE. 3 Chili: ’61‘8 D '683 > it” 5, , Fronts, thianable bew- OD. for 'ders, very that rher, Iner rent taco Ired rith the 'm in Steel qualo the w 'tmas n Ear be suita '19 01' This HALL at Lon .0!) "3 DD J obbiu General Argent, Conveyancw, Licensed Auctimeer for the County of Grey, Lazzils, .‘;:., Valued, Books and Accounts music 1m and Calico-ted. fifSSOfiOO to lead on 30):] Farm and Town Preperty a: 8 per cent. OFFICE :--14 Garafraxa St, Durham. ' H018 u, ., Pannier Glazing, and I most approved smithin H. ‘ All )L. \_ \ f .I.) are .prepazed to do Milliner Dress-making, and would kindly solit patronage of Durham and vicinity. )I‘ Per-kiss is well acquainted witfx above branches. and also Straw-werk. Residence next to 1:. McKenzie’s large brick store. â€"Durh3m, Dec. 10, 15.68. 97- J. F. Halsted, M. )HYSICLgx, SURGEON, . 12930 Kerr, Brown a: McKenzie, IMPUEZTELZS 0F DRY GOODS AND Groceries. and General Wholesale Merchants, Hamilton, Ont. CARPENTER, Builder, c., Plans. Specification and Esdmates of every descriptmn rename. Ie; Funerals furnished at five hours notice, in the best style at the lowest terms. Good wot ate charge HUG! A ohm-'1! Bis ‘ Stars? lower EG T0 ANNOL'N MONEY TO LOAN. [HE subscriber has $25,000 of Private Capital to Loan at 8 per cent. D. JACKSON, JR. J. W. MCDONNBLL, 3mm- 89m Wiiiiam Barrett [ST E R. ATTO 1:}: E LAT-LAW, c . 2‘55 cDouga“, emu-1! Blacksmith, ogposite Wiley’s Boo: an Shoe Store Lower Town, Durham.â€" mrkmanship, 1gu-unctuafiity and moder- rges 3‘) the runes at this Smuhy. )E John Moodie, SIGN :‘I’. I)d Bum ODDSO N AND URNA )dflzum. Ont. Evans, ' \‘ESS and 'lruuk Maker, opposite the Crown Land Uiiice, filmrham, Ont. W hips, Spurs, fie , alwafi on hand. the shortesx notice. gA DDLE R, HAR- k mam Ea. riage Shop. 13 “NOW PREP \RI‘D .a1r13,:e.‘. Cutters, Wag- m '11 11:!L1r-tured from the C; WSt possible rates. I. éhop, opposite Mr. 7" 'er 1 own, Durham. 6th, 1869. HUG H ROSE, Uut. Scotland, Bonk- der, Sullivan Post ce. Charges mod- te. All orderslefi he Cuaoxufu: ()f- lo. l-ly‘. 31-1 THAT THEY do Millinery and 1 kindly solicit. the Publishers ProprietorsJ 'h'ardson’s store, ‘) 0,HAN 'eet, Durba. (1 OD-y.) one in the MENTAL Toronto Durham or night Pa i n tin C., c 71-1y. G RAD 1364f. P665351 W :3 Y! This House is furnished with all the re- quisites to insure the comfort of travellers. The Table supplied with the best the mar- ket affords. Choice wines, liquors, and cigars dept constantly on hang]. There is also agood livery in connection with this house. Charges moderate. The Green-Gage Branch, ffom HOUR-1‘ FOREST. win bua a; blossom at every Staticn, and bring forth FRUIT at the Terminus ! H Durh" cum Meat Market.” FRESH MEAT ORCHARDVILLE, JAMES BELL, I’izomumoa. Having leased the above premises, lately occupied by Mr. J. Hart, I am prepared to offer first~class ac- commodation to travellers and the public generally. Good Wines, Liquors and Ci. gate always on hand. Superior Stabling and an attentive Hostler. Stages call daily. DURHAM HOTEL, Durham, WATTERS. Proprietor. The above 1,. Hotel has been entirely refitted and furnished with a view to the comfort and convenience of its guests. Wines, Liquors and Cigars of the best brands always in stock. The Ilarder will at all times be supplied with the best the market will afford. Good Stabling. Charges moderate. he undersigned would beg to inform the public in general, that. he has on hand ready for this Fa}! or Spring: planting a large quantity of firstclass Fruit-Trees.â€" CORNISH’S HOTEL, ORCHARDVILLE. This House has re- cently been refitted and furnished in first class style, with a View to the comfort and accommodation of the travelling public. Wines, Liquors and Cigars of the choicest bands always. on hand. Good Stabling and an attentive hustler. Stages call daily.â€" Chargcs moderate. Argyle Hotel, E UGII MACKAY, PROPRIETOR, _ ,7 Durham. KfiF-The subscriber is Licensed Auctioneer for the County of G rey. “mars. my , ,. lEU‘tllfii‘ 0'9? it} EERSERY as established in 186-1, and all trees offered for sale were grown in Mount Forest. I will warrant them grafted fruit, of good hardy kinds, as I have tested them, some of them bore fruit this season. Standard Apple Trees from (i to 7 feet, Dwarf Apples, Siberian Crab and Cherry Trees, thatI can recommend. Small fruit such as Currants, Gooseberries, Raspberries, Strawberries, a., also Ornamental Trees. Flowering Shrubs, Dahlias and Gladious Bulbs, c. All orders by mail or otherwise promptly attend t3. 9:? Early Rose, Early Gooder'rch, and Gleason l’utatoes for sale, as cheap as can be purchased elsewhere. Homewood Nursery, Mt. Forest‘ Septcmficr 13d], 1-960. OPEN REBEEALIGN. TAKEN BY STORM! Fenian Raid ! Photographs far the Millinn! BETTER than the BEST and Cheaper than the Cheapest at KELSEY’S GALLERY, Opposite Fletcher’s, Upner Town, Durham. MWEDRY. April 26, 1868. Along thh any quantity of eff-THE LARGEST AND BEST ASSORTMENT EVER OFFERED TO THE PUBLIC. CH EA? FOR CASH. A NEW GAUGE ALWAYS ON HAND, HALF-WAY HOUSE, DEACON’S HOTEL, A CHOICE LOT OF Stove-Pipes. 111.131, Och, DURHAM .. A. fiG-QEERMM HANOVER AT THE A. T. GREGORY. CHARLES LIMIN. 1869. The poetical wretch wholwrote the fol- lowing take off on female visiting, ought to be made the special subject for an evenings conversation at a meeting of a sewing soci- ety : As sleighing with a girlâ€" A rosy, laughing, buxom girl ; A frank, good~natnred, honest girl ; A. feeling, flirting, dashing, doting, Smiling, smacking, jolly, joking, Jaunty, jovial, poser-poking, Dear little (luck of a. girl. Pile up your wealth a mountain high You sneering, scolding chm-l, I’ll laugh as I go clashing by With my jingling bells and girlâ€"- The brightest, dearest, sweetest girl 5 The trimmest, gayest, neutest girl ; The funniest, flushest, frankest, fairest, Roundest, ripest, roughest, rarest, Spunkiect, uplaieat, oqnirmiest, equal-eat, ; Best of girls with drooping lashes, Half concealing amorous flashesâ€" Just the girl for a chap like me To court, and love, and marry, you seeâ€"- With rosy cheeks and clustering curls, 1 The sweetest and the best of girls. Ofall the joys vouchsafed to man In life’s tempestuous whirl, There’s naught approaches Heaven so near Just at twilight on a November day a man about thirty-five years old enter- ed a grocery on Federal street, in the city of â€"-, with a junk bottle in one hand, and a Bible in the other. He stepped up to the counter and said to the owner of the establishment, “Will you let me have a pint on that? I’ll pay it in a few days.” The grocer looked at the back of the book and saw the words “Holy Bible,” and knew at a glance that it was worth vastly more than a pint of whisky, and said “Yes.” He laid the book behind him on a shelf, and drew the liquor, and the customer departed. A loafer sitting by the stove said, “Duncan is getting rather hard up, if he pawns hooks for drinks.” “He is indeed,” said the pmprietor. “He knew he could not get. trusted, and still he will have his grog. I am almost sorry I let him have it. Has he a fam- ily ’? “Yes, a wife and four children.” Here the conversation was interrupted by the entrance of other customers. The man who brought the Bible in and pawned it was a mechanic. He was very skilful in shoeing horses, and was employed by a firm who owned many teams. He could easily have acquired preperty, and have been comfortable, if he had abstained from drink. His em- ployers had often threatenedgto turn him off, but he would promise to do bet- ter, and desiring to keep one so skilled in their employment, th had continued , him along. Somelim or days he would not work an hour, and then for weeks he would attend to his work faith- lfully. Of course he used up all his ‘ wages, and his family sometimes suffer- . ed for the comforts of life. Lay of the Sleighing Season. The owfiar ofithe grocery was I Scotch man by the name of McKay. He left his native place when about twenty-one years of age, ahd after residing in Can- ada for a few years, he found his way to § The ?ng passed off, and at length ; be close his shutters. Before retiring T he carelessly took up the Bible land iopcned it, and on the fly-leaf he read: , and commenced the sale of liquor. This was many years ago, when little was said, and less was done, on the subject of temperance. McKay had however, been led to the consideration of the evils of intern. perancc. He was a member of a Scotch Presbyterian church, and his pastor fre- quently alluded to the drinking usages otlhe day, much to the whoyance of his h‘rs. Even some of his church session thought he'was “iise above what was written.” '9» The Pawned Bible. A Female Visit.‘ "I heard it !” “Who told you'?” “Her friend.” (?_\ “You don’t say I” “ 'Tis dreadful I” “Yes, awful !” “Don’t tell it, I pray !” “Good Gracious !” “Who’d think it T” “Well 1 well ! well I” “Dear me 1” “I’ve had my “I’m going !” “Do stay, love!” “I can’t I “I’m forlorn.” “Farewell, dear.” Suspicious !” “And I too, you see 1” “Lord help us !” “Quite thirty 1 Between you and I I” “Good-bye, sweet.” “I'm so glad she’s gone.” “So sly I” “No beauty I” “Poor creature I” “So artful 1” DURHAM, COUNTY OF GREY, ONTARIO, FEB. 3, 1870. “JENNIE SMART, from MARGARET MCKEY.” ' He was perfectly amazed. Here was a Bible which once belonged to his own mother: and presented by her to Jennie Smart, whom he well remembered as a servant in his father’s family at the time he left Scotland, He could not be mis- taken with respect to the handwriting of his mother ; nor could he keep out of his mind the smiling face of Jennie cw "cu-vâ€" _ ‘1 Smart. The reader can easily imagine that trains of thought and reflection were awakened which would prevent him from sleeping. Still, there was a mystei'y about it. How came this Bible in the blacksmith? This mystery he deter- mined to solve. “Well, sir, it. belongs to my wife.â€" She had it ever since she was a girl.” “Was her name Jennie Smart?” “That was her name when I married her. Why?” “I think I used to know her in Scot- land. Do you live near here ?" “I came honestly by it.” “I presume so, but. I am anxious to know.” The next day he went to the shop where Duncan worked, approached the anvil where he was fitting a shoe, and said : “You left a Bible with me last night.” “Yes. In Liberty street, just round the corner from Elm, up-stairs.” “With your leave I will call on her.” “That you can do if you like.” McKey left the shop, and soon found the miserable abode, and, ascending the rickety stairs, rapped at the door, which was opened by a woman who seemed surprised to see a stranger. She invited him to be seated. He knew not how to , commence the conversation, but at length 3 said : “This is Mrs. Duncan, I sup- posef’ “Yes, sir.” 110 asked a few more commonplace- questions, and she replied. He then said : “I perceive, by your accent, that like myself, you are Scotch.” ‘ . “Yes, sir. I was born near Glasgow.” } “Did you ever know a lass by the name of Jennie Smart?” “Yes, sir. That was my own name when I was a lass.” “Did you ever know a lady by the name of McKeyâ€"Margaret McKey ‘3” “Yes sir. I knew her well. I wrought for her as a servant for years.” “Did you ever see this book before '3” reaching out the Bible. I "Yes. You don’t want me to redeem it so soon, do you ?” “Yes, sir. Mrs. McKay gave me that the day before I took passage for Amer- ica. But, sir, how came it in your hands?” “I keep a. grocery on Federal street. Your husband pawncd it to me for drink.” She began to weep. He saw Where the sore spot in her heart was. H c told her who he was, and drew from her a history of her trials, and then said :â€"â€" “Jennie, (for you will allow me to call you so) I am very sorry I have been the means of giving you any sorrow. I will never sell your husband another drop of liquor. I will do what I can to reform him.” \Ve will not give the conversation in detail. His visit cheered her heart. On his way back, he stopped at. the shop Where Duncan was at Work. He looked up as MeKey entered, and said : “Did you find the place ‘3” “Yes. I find I used to know your wife when she lived at home.” “You never knew any ill of her, I think.” “N 0 she was always kind and gentle. Now, Duncan, as you have such a good wife and such pretty children, why don’t you step drinking ‘3” He replied: “A Yankee always an- swers a question by asking another. As you have no wife nor children, why don’t you step selling?” you step selling?” “If. I will stop selling, will you stop ward, and said, “I will.” “No. 'I . want to know where you got “Give us your hand on that,” said Me Key. They shook hands. “Now,” said McKey, “come over to the grocery.” They went over and emptied all the liquor into the street.â€" When the work was completed, McKey added : “When you go home, tell your wife what you have done, and add that if you get into trouble, you will always have a friend in the son of that Mar- garet McKey that gave Jennie Smart the Bible.” Duncan looked surprised, but said DOflfiDgL Judge Adam Wilson has decided thet girls as well as boys gen be sentenced to imprisonment in. the Beformatory. We were not aware hefnre that there was any doubt in the matter, but as the point .seems to have been raised, it is well to {have it authoritatively settled. APhiladclphian recently advertised for awife and ungratefully published some of the more intorestmg of the nu- mg with extraordinary effect: .dccr sur if ‘You want. such a. wife as you Say you want to make the A Kuan- tans 0f you can see me at franklin squat an monday nite at. ate aklak i Wil be thar an \Vil have 3 Blu sac on and a “’bite has ‘roso is red and Violets blue sugar Sweet so are you. Come see me.’ The next is pathetic and sentimental : ‘ How i do sigh for some one like you to pass the long winter evenings away with because i am so lonlie and without any acquaintances whatsomever, you must be handsome for i like your stile i have no muny But i’ m good hearted 1 love music and song would love you if you would only let me. The last. might well nigh have taken the compositors’ breath by its uncom- promising directness : biz is biz if you want to see a good luckin girl come to 10 Arch morrer night stand in front of the drugstore at zakely 9 i will kom to you. The following lunatic rhapsedy is from the N. Y. Democrat, and is a specimen of the stuff the people of the United States have to accept as nCWSpapcr com- ment :â€" (Eodisjust! Edwin M. Stanton committed suicide, and died by his own hand rather than longer endure the torture which was his lot to hear from the execution of Mary E. Surratt, till the time of his wretched death. The once robust man went to his own death, and though the particulars of his demise are as "ct not fully public, enough is known to prove that. in a fit of terror, WI: 011 he trembled like a. leaf shaken by the storm at the ghost: of the murdered woman, who stood before his vision, he cut his throat, and died to escape his great dread. For years he has lived the life of a conscience-stricken wretch. “'0 per- sonally know that. he has told a gentle~ man in this cityâ€"a gentleman high in judicial positionâ€"with whom he former- ly lfiiliatod politically, and who is known as the soul of truth and honor, that sinae the murder of Mrs. Surratt, he (Stanton) had not known one hour of peace. Said he, when speaking of the matter : “Judge, it is terrible ! That woman was murdered to appease the wrath of a party ! And I was the coward that struck the blow for those who demanded this wrong. But I have sufi'ereddâ€"O, God! how I have sufferedâ€"how I do suffer. Every hour of the day I see her and her innocent face. Every night I see her on the scaffoldâ€"swinging in air â€"bonndâ€"strugg lingâ€"dying. ' “Every night ef my life I stand, face to face with herâ€"I hear her daughter’s prayers for justiceâ€"I see her in her eoflinâ€"I see the Court which sentenced her dancing like devils in hell and saying to meâ€" “‘You! I o.u ’ YOU DID IT! You, Edwin M. Stantonâ€"Edwin .le'urderer Stanton, compelled us to murder your victim, and we will murder you .” ” Those who knew him from the murder of Mrs. Surratt till the day of his death know how he suffered. He would waken from sleep and cry out like a child for some one toâ€"â€"â€" f‘Take herâ€"O ! take her away 1” He would sit upright in bedâ€"his very hair on endâ€"his face pale as death it~ self, and tremble till the great livid drops of sweat would trickle down his cheeks. Then he would moan and call for drinkâ€"walk the floor, and at last find relief under influence of opiates. lonly to start in horror again. His bril- liant talents died out. His ambition weakened. His nerves seemed to rot. His soul cried for relief even in hell.â€" tyrant, he cut. his own throat, and 30 passed from earth to the bar of God,the cowardly soul of the tyrant and tool of tyrants, Edwin Murderer Stanton ! XVho says God is not just ? Look at the record of those Republicans, who have died raving maniacs, by suicide or violent death, and tell us if you dare that the Power which has protected us in denouncing tyranny has not punishedi many, and will not punish more of those whqin the name of liberty, loyalty, and justice, have robbed, murdered, destroy- ed and outraged laws, States, people, and even common humanity. And vengeance is not yet satisfied. Let the ones who have met violent death as a reward for their crimes against a country, and a peeple, as they are ushered to their blood-stained, sayâ€" ‘fComing, Father Abraham, three hun- dred thousand more!” ' Advertising for a. DEATH OF STANTON. A Crazy Editor. 0ne of the grandest sights on this side of the Continent is the valley of the Yosemite, in the Sierre range, about 250miles east of San Francisco. The first time a white man ever entered it was in 1848, and even now the journey is “somewhat hard." he valley is ten miles long and three miles wide. Its sides are granite walls from 2,000 tol 4,500 feet high. Great domes pyrimids 3 rise above the deep hollow, at the bot- tom of which is a little lake or stream. :A small river, 70 feet wide tumbles over on one side of the immense height, coming down in three falls the first of them 1,300 feet. In the valley are nooks and bits of scenery of rare beau- ty, contrasting almost strangely with the solemn grandeur of the surrounding walls and peaks. In Caiaveras there are 92 trees ranging in height from 150 to 327 feet, and from 10 to 40 feet in diameter. Their age is supposed to be from 1,200 to 2,500 years. There is another grove only sis; miles from Mari- posa, on the Yosemite route, containing 427 trees, the largest 35 feet in diame- ter. The Geysers are another wonder' of California. There are, about sixty miles north of San Francisco, hundreds of springs, of all kinds, colors and tem- ,peratures. to be seen, with immense de- lposits of sulphur, allum, magnesia, opium, salt and other minerals. The puffing and rearing of the steam which issues from every erevic in the rocks, and rushes with great violence from “Steamboat Springs,” the dashing and surging of black boiling water in the un- fathomable depths of the “witches’ Caul- dron," and the sulphurous fumes which fill the air, produce an indescribable effect on the beholder. The Cologne Gazette relates a horrible 5 story which was enacted at Schrimm, in the government of Posen. A country girl living not far from that place, had received her inheritance of 300 thalers, from the authorities there. On her re- turn home she spent the night in a vil- lage; having no residence there she took refuge at the house of the village justice, to whom, in virtue of his posi- tion, she gave her whole confidence, and informed him of the object of her jour- ney. He was ready to take her, and asked her to go to bed with his wife.â€" When all lay in deep sleep the eovetous host got up, went intothe garden and dug a hole there. He then took a sharp knife, went up to the bed where the two were asleep, and with a steady hand out the throat of the person lying farthest from the wall, took up his victim and buried her in the garden. \V hen he came back he found the bed empty. He had murdered his own wife instead of {the stranger. The wife lay close to the wall during the evening, but had after- ward moved to the outerESide of the bed. The girl had got out of bed after the murder, and hastened away with her money. A Missouri editor calls upon delin- quent subscribers in. this harrowing way: “ Oh, oh! its enough to sicken the soul, the heart, the gizzard, of the stoutest and smutty-phiized editor’s devil. We need money to refit. \Ve are poor- er than J ob’s unfortunate turkey, Whose bones rattled a eastanet accompaniment when he gobbled. If whole grocery stores were selling for a blue postage stamp apiece, we couldn’t buy an empty mackerel kit! Friend! Good friend ! Sweet, negligent friend 1 Don’t lay this paper down and think we mean some other individual ! It’s only two dollars and a half, but a thousand such trifles make $2,500; and that’s a big thing for a newspaper, enough to put us firmly on our feet again : Pay up 1 Pay up! SHAVING 0N SUNDAYS.â€"The Rev. Dr. Guthrie, in his Sunday Magazine this month, relates 'a characteristic anecdote : “I said to my host as I retired to my bedroom on Saturday night, ‘I may ring for hot water in the morning.’ On this be instantly raised his hands saying ‘Hush, hush!’ AStonishcd, and fanoy- ing from his mawer and look that he had greatly misunderstood my question i ‘Come here, sissy,’ said a gentleman to a little girl, whose sister he was 'ad- l dressing, ‘ you are the sweetest on,earth.’ ‘No,’ she replied; ‘ sister says you are _ the sweetest.’ The gentleman ‘popped ithe question ’ the next clay. I repeated it. But this only called ' forth a more startling and emphatic warning, ‘Speak of shaving on the Lord’s day, and you need never preach in “shire !’ 1 could not see the dif- ference between a man shaving his beard and washing his face on that day. This want of logic, however, was a small matter compared with a want of consist- ency; in hundreds of houses where you could not get a drop of hot water to shave with on the Lord’s day, you would get plenty wherewith. to brew whiskey teddy.” Magnificent *‘ Scenery. A Murderer’s Mistake. COUNTY ADVERTISER. (If? A good joke happened to a cerâ€" tain doctor the other day. He ordered some very powerful medicine for a sick boy; the father, not liking the appear- ance of it, forced it down the cat’s throat; and when the doctor called again, and inquired if the powder had cured the boy, the father replied “ 110, we did not. give it~t0 him.” “Good heavens!" said the doctor; “is the child living?” “Yes, but the old cat isn’t; we gave it to her l” A man named Dow has received a clerkship in the United States Legisla- ture, on the grounds that he received wounds enough during the war to kill a manâ€"and it was thought one tpell he wouldn’t live. He has a brother that writes a good hand. A man was found in a. neighbour’s cabbage patch, down on his knees. He said it was queer a man couldn‘t go “nowhere” to pray without being inter- rupted. He was left to his devotions, and in the morning, singularly enough, it was found he had preyed off the heads of half the cabbages in. the gar- den. The Democrat says that the celebrat- ed “ chemical eye salve” was used by a man in Illinois the other day, and he1 testified to its merits. It blinded him; in ten minutes. To be sure it was the salve that was so effective, he tried it on his dog, and now the dog is blind.â€" They are both willing to swear to its efficacy, and they ask $10,000 damages of the drugger. The Chicago Board of Health fnrn ishes vendors of kerosene oil with la- bels, giving consumers the consoling in- formation that in certain contingencies â€"such as using the oil for kindling wood, or filling a lamp while lightedâ€"- they will be invariably blown sky high. These labels must be pasted on every can that goes out of the stores. \Vhen a Boston man has been out longer than usual on an evening, his Wife makes him pronounce the word “ l’ainthecOpticonicon.” Ifhe makes a mistake or “hie,” she takes him across her knee at once. A young lawyer in New York lately won a bride in a singular and yet in a strictly professional manner. Having gained a suit for a lady, he sent in his bill for payment, amounting to the mod- est sum of $100. Next day he receiv- ed a call from the lady in question, who asked him with much gravity if he se- riously intended proposing to her. The disciple of Blackstone, utterly confound- ed at such unbusiness-likc proceedings, could scarcely regain composure sulfi- cient to request an explanation from his quandom clienttwho promptly informed him that as he had proposed for her en- tire fortune, he would scarcely do less than take herself into the bargain.â€" His gallantry stood the test, and beauty was triumphant. A smart lawyer’s Wife that l TRUE ENoUeH.-â€"We dig the follow- ing nugget of truth out of the Houston (Texas) Tole-graph : “ The man who thinks that he can make a newspaper to please everybody ' is a simpleton. He might as well expect all men to fall in love with the same woman. The only harm we wish the growlers against any newspaper is, that they may be each re. quire-d to play editor just long enough to see how easy (?) it is to execute his notions of what a newspaper should be, and how much easier it is to find some who will proclaim that he is not fit for his position.” True as Gospel. Let an- editor try as hard as he may to please everybody, there will always be a crook- ed brother here, or a crotehety sister there, to growl at him. Under these circumstances editors should be pardon- ed if they occasionally do a little con- seientous swearing. COULDN'T oE'r Josrlcn.â€"A Scotch judge condemned a man to be hanged on the 28th of the month for sheep- stealing. As the poor convict was be- ing removed he exclaimed, “ My lord, my lord, I haena got justice here toâ€" day 1” The judge looked up from his papers and said, “Weel, weel, my man, ye’ll get it. on the 28th 2” SHARP Bore-They raise some very sharp boys nowoa-days. ‘Boy, may I inquire Where Robinson’s drug store is?’ asked a pompous looking gentleman of aeNew York street boy. ‘Certainly, sir,’ replied the boy, very respectfully. ‘Well, sir,’ said the gentleman, after waiting a while, ‘where is it?’ ‘ I haven’t the leagt idea, your honor,’ said :the urchin. A young woman wzis awakened the other morning, by a huge tat tugging at curl-paper in her hair. - She screamed and falnted, and the vermin fled. ALL SDRTS 0F PARAGRAPHS. Blameâ€"Henry Ward Beecher sayo â€"-“ It is a great. gift to be born rich in the eyes and cars. Some men have car- ried before them an endless procession of beauty. There are charms for then! where others perceive harrenneaa.._- There is a concert in the air all the time for those whose cars are tuned aright° 'I‘recs harp for them, winds roll their tones musically, and birds and insects fill up the orchestra. {‘1‘}: A. paper out in Illinois talkl in this way ; ‘If you owe one but a sin- gle dollar, go and pay him ; when there is so little money we ought to keep it. moving around lively, Jim owed us and we owed Bill, and Bill owed Jim. Jim got mad because we made him pay one day last week; but; we paid Bill, and , Bill paid Jim, and Jim went to bed ithat night happy as a clam, with just as much money as he had in the morn- ing, and three men out of debt. Quite a number of old maids and other females are now turning up in ditfereut parts of the country, to whom, according to their own stories, Mr. George l’eahody, in bygone times, 030!- ed his hand in marriage. One of them positively refused the millionaire, be- cause she was already dead in love with a poor young man, and others rejected him for other reasons equally beautiful and honorable. It appears, however, that they all kept an eye on him as long as he lived ; and it seems that, to the last, he treasured up in his heart the thought of his love and devotion for each of them. It is touching to read such stories, and it is pleasing to feel ' assured none of them will now be con- tradieted. ALI. SORTS OF PARAGRAPHS. Some people have singular ideas of happiness. An industrious Scotchman, who resided near New York for a quar- ter of a century, and who had accumu- lated a very handsome property, recent- ly sent to the old country for his father, with the view that he should share his prosperity, and slip away from his ions of life as smoothly as possible. One day a friend of the family paid a visit to the elegant mansion on the Hudson, and took occasion to compliment the proprietor of the estate on its surpassing loveliness and cozy comfort. The owner full of pride in his beautiful home, said he looked upon it and its surroundings as a perfect paradise on earth. “ Parr disc 1” growled the venerable Scot, “paradise, and no a thimhlefu’ o‘ whisky in the hail hoose !” After the first sermon of Father Montsabre, the Ultramontane successor of Pcre Hyacinthe, in the cathedral of Notra Dame, one of the fastidious ladies of Paris said:â€"“ How terrible to be compelled to listen to the chirping of a blue bird after having liearkcned for years to the melodious songs of a night- ingalc.” On one occasion Rufus Choato In prevented from delivering a certain ad- dress, and Oliver Wendell Holmes was announced to “ fill” his place. Dr. Holmes, on entering the desk, said, by way of introduction, that he could never hope to fill Mr. Choate’s place, but he would, for an hour, endeavor to rattle around in it ! What a pity it is that we cannot have a description of the malign idiot who shouts ‘fire’ in a theatre whenever a lady faints or a seat breaks down. Of all the dangerous asses who afilict crowd. ed assemblies, this one is the most dif- ficult to comprehend. \Ve hear of him now at the Boston Music Hall. It seems that 4,000 persons were crowded in there to witness the exhibition drill of the Montgomery Guards, and a seat in the gallery gave way. IIereupon our yelper broke out with a cry of fire, and the consequence was a stampede occur» red ; may were seriously crushed, and for a time hundreds of lives were in danger. But it does not appear that the one idiot in question was visited by the preper consequences of his infatua. tion. . Mr. F. D. Robinson, of North Haven, Con., has invented an apparatus for dropping feed to horses, cattle, poultry, c., in the absence of the attendant. It consists of a hopper with a lid at the bottom, which is made to drop at any time desired by a small clock working on the principle of the alarm-clock. If the farmer wishes his cattle or horses to be fed at an early hour, before he get! out of bed, or at any time dating his absence, he has only to fill the hopper and set the clock, and the machine doe! the work at the appointed titpe. If “ beauty draws by a single huir,‘ how irresistable some of the wrong must be who wear a bushel-bankctfnl. Alluding to chignons, Mrs. Clever said:_“A girl nowfiems all heir... “ Yes, till you talk to her,” Mr. Clever. [VOL U I\ IE ' ‘1 , N 0 . 1 [$1.50 per Annum. riled