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v Bodad, it ho was «an away on u “Glue idnd, he'd get up the next ”30’ and go round selling mnps t. I). inhabitant.” An Irishman, describing the trnd- in; powers of the genuine Yankee, " Then you did not see her on that occasion ?” °‘ No, my Lord. I wun’t there.” Aguin : A: . crowded concert. to hem- Patti the other night, 3 young lady was Itching for n soot. "It is a so“ you wunt. Miss?” find the Irish other. “ Y». a non. plum.” . a Indulo. an..." ‘uid Pu, -~ I ebonld be glad to give you : «to, but tho «any on. m dl full.” Alteration Sale . . . As we intend making some alteration in our store, a lot of Wall Paper must be either moved upstairs or out -â€"we preter the latter. It’s yours at a snap, if you snap quick. All we want is to be saved the trouble of moving ”The be: time 1 saw her, my Lord, was about eight months I80. when she cdlod at my house. sndI wuom." M for old iron.” Allin = A Judge in Dublin asked an Irish policemen. ” When did you last see your sister ?” it. The profit is yours» Come and let us show youd “These sashes will hat you for-""1tn our. air; and often-wads. if you have I 9“"0’ loluttbor nse for them. you can sell 99‘“ “ I don t believe 1'" 6V0? 80$ these notice that once a t'OtH la is securely boots on till I’ve woan them a spell! "’ i m‘rried they commexwe trving to An Irishmon woo trying to selllalloviate the slawr» of the brst and some iron window- ashes. und in 9 :fiair b) thing sonw 0 hr kind of a ”commending them laid: {wedding and kPPp it Up periodically “Th.“ .nM. .in Int '0“ “bid” their dying day bv wooden. tin. A peredox is en instence of de formed logic. It in e case where a sentence deetroye not itself, as in the use of the enticlimex, but all the logic in itself. The enticlimax is the deformed sentence itself. while the perndox in the deformity of its logical sense. The beet paradox in the Eng- lieh language is the one made by Artemas Ward when the humorist “id: ' l’m bound to live within my nouns if I have to borrow money to do it. ” MacFARLANE (Ho. Durham, Sept. 22, 1904. "I believe he will owe several thousand dolluo.” 1n: the reply. Another instance: Two men were pulling on their boots. One pulled away at the etrnps till one broke. when he exclaimed : The best paradox I ever constructed woe a sentence once used in compli- Ienting the West. In was made in a dinner speech. I commenced thus: DURHAM CHRONICLE ”I like the West. I like her self.‘; nude men. sud the more I travel? west, the more I em with her public: non, the more I em convinced o! the l truthfulness of the Bible statement; the: the wise men came from thei Enat'” Here is another : i "How do you think Smith’ a pro-1 party will stnnd after all his debts. are pnid ?” naked 3 lnwyer in a bank rnpt one. 3 i Dmggists and Booksellers. W. IRWIN. Editor and Proprietor. Imm- but“! thu be mad any nilu . day. THE PARADOX. “ Sixty mile. !” excleimed en endi- tor, “ the: is e greet dietence; it must heve been eeeompliehed when the deye were the longest.” ibilver and golden weddings. But alast week Was tho: firsr time we heard 30! a ptper weddmg in (am many of '2 us boy never even heard of asbestos 5:110 kind of paper uswd for such a “ To be sure it wu; I admit thet,” aid the ingenious Hibernia. “ but whoile y'e're otnndin’ sit down. on’ oi’ll tell ye ell shout it.” Again :â€" An Irish lover said, “ It is a greet comfort to be alone cepecinlly when yer swateheort is wid ye.” Agein vou ell remember the tri- umphant eppeel of an Irishman who was a lover of mtiquity. who. in arguing the superiority of old archi tecture ever the new. said: ‘~ Where will you find any modern building that has lasted so long as the ancient?” " Hould on!" cried Pat. as he ran like a madman after the car, “ nould on. yo murthen ould stame injinâ€" ye’ve got a passanger on board that’s left behind.” Again :â€" An Irishman got out of his carriage at s reilway station for refreshments. but the bell ten: and the train left before he had finished his repeat. Again :â€" My wife’s cock was sick. She was sure she was going to die. It was the colic. “ Would you take anything. Brid- get ‘9” asked my wife. pouring out some bitter cordial. " Indade.” said Bridget. “ I would take anything to make me well, if I knew it would kill me.” Again :â€" " A man who’d maliciously set fire to a barn,” said Elder Podson. “ and burn up a stable full of horses and cows. ought to be kicked to death by a Jackass. and I’d like to be the one to do it.” Again :â€" Two deacons once disputing about a proposed new graveyard. one re- marked : °‘ I’ll never be buried in that ground as long as I live !” “ What an obstinate man !” said the other. ” If my life is spared I will.” That young rooster down in the Henry Corners of your vineyard is scratching up quite a dust because the Varney Football team defeated his boys. He shouldn’t fly at Provi- dence about it the way he is doing. It may help the needy. as he says, but Varney’s consideration that day was that Providence will always help those who help themselves. and the same inspiration a few days later in a contest in Durham that was left open to the world enabled them to carry ofi the prize It would be bet tor for the Dromore team if they would get some such idea, too, in place of waiting for a providential elevator to raise them. A number in this part complain that their potatoes are rotting. but no Irish families have complained yet. which reminds us that Provi- dence always favoxs the brave. It is generally conceded that a change is as good as a rest, and we notice that once a rouble is securely married they commence trving to The Rev. Mr. Bray, of Hanover. will preach a Thanksgiving sermon in the school on Sunday. and we look for amental treat. Although he is slight in stature he excells in mind. Mr. James Tucker had a wind-mill erected last week over his well to pump water for his stock. It is the first in this neighborhood. It is of Woodstock make and sold by S. T. Orchard. Mr. Ben Crittenden visited Proton friends last week and found them only just beginning harvest. Clark, the thresher. came out this way last week and tantalized the farmers almost to exaspiration by doing first class work and staying onfy two days. A very enjoyable time was spent in dancing on Friday night in the Vocant house on the Morrison farm by the young peOple of the neighbor- hood. Corner Concerns. late. but the one oelebntod by Mr. tad Mrs John Shut-pa on Sulzljd‘y. p. m.. vino 3 very enioyable afluir to all who purticiputed in it. _The_su_p- per was a magnificent spread and the music and other entertainment very enjoyable. The presents. too, were very appropriate as well as handsome and useful. The company consisted of relatives and intimate friends. We hope the happy couple may long live in the state of bliss that has made their lives noted so far to enjoy all the kinds of weddings that mortal man is heir to. Mr. and Mrs. Ray. of Woodland, visited iriends in this part Monday. The latter was a schoolmate with the grown up boys and girls. who always appreciate her visits. A gloom was again cast over the vicinity of Holstein on Friday by the death of Mrs. Thos. Orchard, suppos- ed to be from hemorrhage of the brain. The deceased lady was fifty- one years of age and highly respected consequently the funeral on Sunday was a very large one Candidate Miller was down this line on Monday canvasing. It was bright overhead but he felt a very chilly atmosphere around him. so be put on the whip to reach W. Hastie’s the only place in seven miles where he could hOpe to get a good warm up. Candidate McKinnon placed on the market last week 98000 lbs of beef at one delivery. He may not profess to work miracles but he can feed the multitudes occasionally. "Not ifit-’s important, ” was the reply. “Oh, it is,” assuringly. The reporter rushed for a pad of paper and a pencil, screwed his ear up to the telephone again. and said : “All right. Fire away there.” The voice was heard again, tremu- Ions with emotion: “The engagement of Miss Mr. is announced.” There was an explosion of wrath at the press end of the line and the rules of the telephone company re- straining irate persons from indulg- ingin profanity were smashed into smithereens. t0 County Com. Allan conveyed an old gentleman to the House of Refuge, Markdale. on Friday. He hales from near Conn, is an old bachelor named McClocklin without friends to reside with and wished the shelter at the house. We have heard peOple advo- cate to drop the name of “ Poor House ” and calling it the “ Home of the Unfortunate,” but if they are putting bachelors in it that wouldn’t be the proper name yet. The other nightâ€"or, rather. it was very early in the morningâ€"the tele. phone in a certain newspaper office rang loud and long. Most of the workers had gone home for the forty winks that newspapers contrive to put in between times, but there was one man on the “dog watch”â€"that is, you know, he was the one person detailed to stay around the office and be ready for anything from a murder to a fire. At that hour of the day -â€"about. well, somewhere around 3 o’clock a. m.â€"when the telephone in a newspaper office rings it generally means a police story that is worth looking up, so the "dog watch” hast- sued to answer the summons. “Hello!” said a voice. “Is it to late to get anything in to morrow morning’s paper?” the 6th day of October. 1904, at 2 p. m.. to hear and determine the several complaints of errors and omissions in the Voters’ Lists of the municipality of Durham for 1904. All persons having business at the Court are requested to attend at the said time and place. OTICE IS HEREBY GIVEN L That a Court will be held pursuant to the Ontario Voters‘ Lists Act by his Honor the Judge of the County Court of the Coun- ty of Grey at 3h}? quu He‘ll) Du‘rham, on “Why under the blankety-blank- blank” (that wasn’t exactly what was said. but it will do. you know) "didn’t you send in such stufl earlier in the day?” “But Icouldu’t,” said the voice, apologetically. “You see. it just happened.”â€"Milwaukee Sentinel. W. B. \‘OLLET, CLERK. Dated this 2lst da y of September, 1904. Durham Manufacturing 00., Oxford . . . Cream . . . Separators See Our Ex- hibit at Durham Fall Fair, September 2| and 22. NOTICE. Promptly Told. SHOW NIGHT CONCERT ‘l'he tslsnt secured for the Big Concert. on Show Night. under the auspices of the Public Librsry is as follows :â€" MR. JAMES FAX, Humorous Vocalist. MISS MAE DICKENSON, Saprano and Guitar Soloist. AN ORCHESTRA of five talented - performers : HAW BROTHERS. MR. MRS. F. RUNCIMA'N. MR. JOSEPH TRELFORD. THE PLAN for sale of tickets will be opened at MacFarlane’s Drug Store at ‘2 p. m.. Saturday. 17th Sept. All seats reserved. Secure your ticket in time. MRS. NE WTON, Accompanist. In order to be lenient with my friend (‘3) and not to take legal pro- ceedings against him I sent him the following account: Aberdeen, Aug ‘29, ’04 John McDonald in a/c with S. R Jackson. July 25 To 1 cow served ...... 400 Aug. 17 ” 1 “ “ ...... 750 MR. EDITOR.â€"If you will allow me space in your valuable paper, I will let you have a love letter sent me by Mr. John McDonald, of Aberdeen: It is the outcome of alittle difierence of opinion as to whether a man should sneak his cows across the line fence to his neighbor’s bull without inform~ ing its owner, or, whether he should do-it the proper way. lUU Frame buildings, good orchard. first-classland. $3.400. 21 ACRES NEAR WILDER’S Lake. Two barns. stone stables with cement floors good house wellwatered Cheap. For further particulars apply to A George street with soft and hard water and good stable. Appl to GEORGE HITMORE. 150 Total .................. $1.50 Kindly pay 3/0 in space of 7 days from date and save further expense. Should you fail to do so, I shall take legal proceedings against you. S. R JACKsoN. The following is Mr. McDonald’s letter, and. although an anonymous one, yet, it was brought to me by his son,with the amt. of 11/0 enclosed. Wilder’s Lake. 30 Acres cleared. '25 acres good hardwood bush, good buildings. Price 83.”. Thanking you for your patience and valuable paper space, I am Yours truly, .S R. JACKSON. TIIE REPLY “ Sam Jackson I am Sending you A dollar and half as your letter stated the sad distress you was in for money and I believe it you are not able to wait to see if you have A right to get it or not I am sorry to see you so hard pushed for A dollar and half as your letter stated I would not like your position if you are as hard up as you mad out in your letter your time is hard with you when you confessed to me in your letter it must be Sam keep the road you an objige when you are Sunday visiting the publick will have A better view of yous than when you ws tramping threw my place you and your family how would you have handled me if I had tramp- ed threw the best of ycur hay the way you and your family done for years yous went where yous liked threw my place and said nothing but when I went on to your bare pasture field when you seen me you had gaul eneug to tell me to go around the road so you brought the dirt on your- self you wont tramp on me you would like pepol to stop stoop ty you would like me to ask you if I dare come over on your ground and you could go where you liked through my place without low or leave I aint sleeping though my eyes are shut you need not think you can do as you like you are as liable to be kept in your place as anyone else dont get it in your head that you are going to get pepol to go on their knees to the like of you and you do as you like I aint sleeping though my eyes are shut you would like to be highly honored but the like of you dont get any more honor than you can stand thank the lord I dont want or uead to go on your ground I know how you would use me neither me or my family would get over four years tramping I am sure of that.” N EIGHT ROOM HOUSE ON March lOâ€"tf ACRES IN EGREMONT NEAR Farms For Sale. LETTER TO EDITOR. ACRES NEAR DORNOCH, To Let. MACKAY DUNN, Vendors’ Solicitors. Have you seen our Women’s $1.50 Dongola Laced Boot? It. very closely resembles the $2.00 values. Our $1.00 Ladies’ Commoneense Strep Slippers heve met the approval of every purchaser. Our Women’s 81.25 Oxford is said to be the nicest ever shown u. the money. The best $1.75 shoe value it! found in our Men’s Box Cult and no regularly sold for $2 25. See our lines in Babies’ Soft Soles Laced and Buttoned. in black, can, red white and blue. The merits of our Footwear that we have manufactured and bought for this season’s business. They are certainly great sellers and wearers. We must believe it for the people say so. Almost any reliable make on hand. We can sell you a good strong TRUNK from $1.75 up REPAIRING DONE QUICKLY. Owen Sound and Durham. Winter 15 . . . . Coming Come and See. We Can’t. .. Help Praising C. L. Grant, Call and see our stock. You wont be forced to buy. Be sure and ask to see our new skirts just to bend. You know the prices will be right. Is it too soon to talk about fall goods. Though it is only Sep- tember the cold nights are re- minders that winter is near. Now is the time to prepnre for the severe westher. We are getting ready to do our part and have some children's and Missee’ coats ready for your inspection, also some dress goods and more arriving. of Shoe Dressings always v v "“ 4 fraxa and Durham ing' eight rooms. first bath room. The other electric fixtures in moderate. Annlv tn 2' STRICTLY CASH SYSTEM Apply to mun Roadâ€"one contain- first class furnnce and other connins six rooms in both houses. Rants t Oxfordmlhéfi , 5}. 3nd 613“") GA RA- 31.25 31.00 $1.00 Shot Guns. NEW Pumps AND CURB, RE-CURB “’ELLS. Allonlgrg Silverware. Table Cutlery. lm Lamps. If 3‘0 Stoves. Butter \V’orke DEEX ) ; l.\'( WILKIXSO ers have PALM ERSTU crate. powswrzLL “'84 that will was Wrimzer th“ w 00‘ tO‘I'. BINDER 1‘me a: DILLON HINGE 9 kind than Wmi ox on thei: 0W1 HEAD STO'N ES " of the befit '0‘ BEG LEAVE 1‘0)! ERS and .3 prepared to h BUGS umps. Hardw Since udvertisin ago then celet burel. breech! Guns. we have to lny in nnot grant has been not loose this 0 «curing an". as if we will not any more at the A number of or pick from. An abundance. Our show cases Silverwure of var very suitable 1 presents. “ W. H undForks cuunot Wonk GUARANH of Table Cu found nuywl Knives and stock. you are m Lump of any do can not satisfied out “comment. in: from 20c. to “’0 have Do drop in and I of floating StOVOi “’e I like incre Auk your neiahh Bauer Workerl not be loughvitlu me‘ns. one do dollar. When you can you want in In give no u cull an will be relieved. the LABY Sun Stoves for w }s thtt will kel an no the Rim ups AND Bl mem RICE GEORG W00