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ioozzzgzzoozoo9600090600990006906009990o April 2:. 1914? To sympathize with a woman: weep with her; to svmpathize with a man, swear with him. A demonstration orchard is to be established in the Beaver Val- ley, near Kimberley. “Dear me! Do :ou mean, then that f you perform the ceremony I’ 11 have to accept some in°xperienced youth with no ma;rimonial training whatever?" An old woman was brought into a. London hospital suffering from a poi“- soned leg. The house surgeon made a hurried examination. He was a man of blunt speech. “I: will have to come off,” he told her. - “What, not all of it?” “The whOle of it. I’m sorry to say,” growled the house surgeon. “Nothing else for it ?” “No other chance for you 'what- ever,” explained the house surgeon. 1 “Oh, Mr. Speam, '-we want you to officiate at my marriage to Bill: Speedf' ”William Speed! A. divorce! Nev; er, my dear child, certainly not."’_ A Big Swallow. A detective was testifying in the case of a. woman shoplifter whom he had arrested in her own house. “Rubbish! Are you crazy?” ‘the magistrate interrupted. “Excuse 'me. What I mean to say, your honor,” explained the detective, “is that she swallowed the paWn tickets.” The retort of Beethoven to his stupid brother was in an interchange of» cards. The brother had left his card at the musician’s lodgings, and in his purse pride it read, “Johann van Beethoven, land proprietor.” The musician returned the call by card, Ludwig van Beethoven, brain proprietor.” It is not often the case that genius is fortunate in its brothers. “Ah, well, thunk ’ea-ven it’s not my ’ead.” “And, your hoax,” said he, “when I told her the charge she turned her back to me and swallowed a purse, six suits of silk underwear, a silver candlestick and a chafing filsh, and” ‘\ uau‘u‘v-,m~.4 uni...” " 1“.“ ': “V“‘JO “runway L.L ..---‘,;uion 01"?an Et'7011UHC 39.31131. Terms for (vvzzmda. 81.75) a year‘ pogtage prepai d. Sold by 5):) BCWSQQ:‘.19.;'§. "1 MNN éé cgpmmm New Yank Branch (“329. 625 B’ St. Washington. D. C. fi-wnno sending a s 1221' s ‘2 17:3 1” .‘7 “Man may “‘7: My ascertain 'r: '- m mica free “ u‘ Lm r :11 x._....-nfim:1 :J probn‘: xyp. Lzem able. C12: :zmunicr- 1' 3:11:13} :' many: 22', 3:. H 4513f,CC".C :: ’atcs. m *3. ‘1”6. (”west accm- ) 101' val-(mm patents.“ 1- a 1:5 :1 t. mu '1 :31 am a; co. receive M.~- a-‘i 7.305133, “H.110? (Ar: ‘1h3":;0- in bbe "' 3 A paudaomuy il‘u 31:th :i weedly‘ Largest cg:- Pretty Bad Either “fay. Ba ethoven’s Retort. Might Be Worse. Sympathy. C 'f‘q"'fl I o 4.‘\.. TEE DURHAM CHRONICLE. I “A: III ... . .0 9...“. 11:31. «can u 5,. . ”I. d m; . $35.52.... .05 Lnlfion An old man said to a youth: “My boy, when.I was your age I thought, like you, that I knew it all. ’ but now I have‘ reached the con- 1 clusion that I knew nothing.” Needed Practice. “Little girls shouid be seen and not heard, Ethel.” "I know, mamma. But if I'm gu- ing to be a lady when I grow up I’ve got to begin Lracticing talking some time, you know.” The best way to prepare a new iron kettle for,use is to fill it with clean potato peelings, boil them for an hour or more, then wash the kettle with hot water, wipe it dry and rub it with a little lard‘; repeat the rubbing for half a dozen times after using. In this way you will prevent rust and all annoyances liable to occur with the use of a new kettle. “H’m! I reached that conclusion about you some years ago.” “Dear Miss, I don’t ’ave enuf mo- ney to go to the theayter aften, but I went last nite an’~ seen you. I never seem; loflier lady in my life, an' never won Wot acted so beautiful. I dremt of you all nite, an’ I shall carry your image in my ’art all my life. I am ’rlting’ .at wonce becos’ you are so beautiful that you will soon get to be 'fam’us, an’ I shall not dare to ’rite you agen.” The lady carries this let- ter in her purse, and can hardly read it without tears. _ The youth, lighting a cigarette. answered carelessly: “You would " exclaimed Henley in honest surprise, and to'this day he can’t understand why Miss Fair- ley thinks him a. man of little taste and less tact. This story is told of a well-known impressionist artist. A man who had brought one of his paintings wished his opinion on the hanging of the picture and invited him to dine. The artist expressed his ap- proval of the background, of the height at which the canvas was hung, pronounced the light favorable -â€"â€"indeed, he said, there was only one particular in which he would suggest any‘ change. "But, darling, I am afraid it won’t run to z cottage. Two rooms and kitchen, perhaps, somewhere near the office, where rents are cheap, an ‘.â€"-â€"” “Miss Fairley,” he said, “if you could make yourself over What kind of hair and eyes would you have?” “If I could make myself over,” said MissFairley, “I would loo}: just exgctly as I do now.” Nobody but Mr. Henley would have asked such a question in the first place. “And what is ”that?” inquired his host, solicitou‘sly. “Why,” said the artist, “I should hang it the other side up. I always havefi’ But rrobably the following is unl- que. “Dear sir, I, the undersigned, shall be most happy to attend the play nightly which is now running at the “Ah, I care for you, dear, not for wealth,” answered Angelina, raptur- ously. “And we shall have to begin our married life very humbly,” he conâ€" tinued. “What care 1 how humbly?” was 'e- heroic response. ”A small cot- tage in some secluded! spot, with clematis climbing over the door, and a rose-clad summer-house, in which we may sit and talkâ€"your Angy asks for nothing more.” China’s famous Temple of Heaven was formerly visited once a year by the emperor to give an account of his empire and its affairs during the previous twelve months. This was set forth in writing, and the manu- scripts were then placed in the furnace and in ,that way consigned to the emperor in heaven. The Temple of Heaven is one of the most beautiful and interesting sights of picturesque Pekin. The walls inclos- ing the temple, the royal apart- ments, the altar and the grounds are three miles in circumference. and the white marble structures with their blue and green procelain tiles have to be seen to be appreciated. Artiste Has Dressing-room Papered ' With Love Letters. Proposals of marriage, from all and sundry, are almost daily '0ccur~ rences with popular actresses, and they learn to take little or no notice of them. It is said that one actress has papered her boudoir with a choice selection of them, but no actress, surely, would scorn such a beautiful love letter as the following: Theatre and applaud vociferous- ly, for 4s. a night. If you prefer to give this matter a week’s trial before coming to a final decision, I will at- tend for the purpose of applauding vociferously for six nights, in consid- eration of a free pass and two half- pints, each evening.” They were seated in one of those sheltered nooks for which Brighton is famous. He had just proposed and been accepted, and in blissful accents they were discuszing their future prospects. “You know I am not a rich man, darling,” said ”Edwin. A1cloud came over tfie scene. Angelina is still free. A letter treasured by Mr. Harry Randall the well-known music hall comedian, is from one of the often very eccentric individuals known as "stage aspirants,” and is thus word- ed: “1 am thinking of following the trade (sic) of a .~ wmic singer, and af- ter a look round have come to the conclusion that your style would suit me best. Please state your lowest terms by return of post, and note that f I do not hear from you by first thing to-morrow I shall apply else- where!” PRT'POSALS TO Asmzsszs. , l’ekin’s Temple of Heaven. Dreams That Difl‘ered. New Iron Kettles. A M an’s Tact. This Side Up. \Vith Him. Wm. Hampton. exâ€"reeve of 1101- a gold-headed cane by his former land, was recentlyxpreqented with colleagues. EEPD‘DPVPDDDDD‘DDDVD:DPEFFDEVDDDDDDDDDDDD :Shop Where You Are Invited to Shop Advertising tretch out the hand of good-will. wear the smile of welcome, and command the business of the buyers of this com'nnity. Do these things and your business will expand and the profits from your business will be greatly increased. . Advertising means directing the at tention of others to that for which at- tention is desired. If you have a stock of which you are proud, or aservice which you believe to be superior, direct attention to the fact every week in THE DURHAM CHRONICLE. Do you not feel a certain reluctance about going into shops that have not invited you to enter their doors? At- the shop which advertisesâ€"which invites your customâ€"you know that you are welcome. A WORD TO THE PUBLIC m;